How I Met My Husband (Part one)...

I had earlier written about my marriage saga. The story up to the marriage was not as simple and abrupt as mentioned there. As you know, I chose the internet way so that I could have some control over the choice of my life partner although there were horoscopes that were going to be matched as a pre-condition. It was already 4 long years since we (parents and I) had embarked upon this journey and never once had I imagined the heartaches that were in line for me. When my husband’s proposal came along, I was already miffed about the entire process of this arranged marriage business.

Now, if I liked the photograph and the primary details of the boy, the horoscope wouldn’t match and if the horoscopes matched to perfection, well,..you get the drift. There were times when the guy and me would exchange some mails and it would seem (at least to me) that probably this is it and my mother would start imagining the marriage happen within a couple of months. Then, like a thunderbolt out of nowhere the mails would just stop or the guy would give feeble excuses like he is going out of town for a project and would be busy. I was initially na├»ve and would wait endlessly refreshing the mail-box to see if there was a reply to my mails. Later, I became a pro in reading between the lines. I could almost write a book on - If a guy says this, he actually means this. I had met some and interacted with plenty on the internet and discovered a plethora of weird personalities. I could write a book on the weirdos that I had the (mis)fortune of getting acquainted with. I also understood that education had nothing to do with the mindset of the person.

The first two years of the search were not bad I would say. True, there were times when I wished feverishly that the proposal materialized and was quite disappointed when they didn’t. Yet, the hope and my self-image were not yet battered. There was hope and enthusiasm. The period made my search criteria clearer as I graduated from what I did not want to want I wanted in my spouse. But as the time passed on, the sheer effort of identifying prospects, entering into a dialogue with them, investing emotions and time and then detaching when the talks did not fructify began to take a toll on me and I was almost a case for the agony aunt column. Now, it was not that I faced rejection all the time. I rejected quite too many too. But rejection either ways was painful.

I had a job, a few close friends and a decent social life that kept my sanity levels from reaching a point of no-return, but only just. The after-office hour times were always filled with some kind of gloom always associated with proposals not clicking, people around giving their invaluable and most always unnecessary advice, relatives suggesting anyone who they thought is ready to get married as prospective alliances, worse- my parents ready to contact all of those, people claiming to be well-wishers subtly and not-so-subtly counseling me and sometimes my parents to reconsider our (my) check-list for the groom insinuating that if we (I ) were rigid in our wish-list, it would be too late for me to get married.

I was hopelessly losing faith in this arranged marriage system and cursed my stars that I did not have the (good?)fortune of having a love marriage. That, I am those shy types who never dated in college or never met anyone in office is not the fault of the stars but at that time I needed someone to blame the mess I was in and I was in no mood to blame myself, you see. So, it was when I was in such deep state of mental stress that my husband’s proposal came along. It was this two-line message over the matrimony portal from his parents that said that the horoscopes matched from their end and if we were OK with the preliminaries, we contact them.

to be contd...

10 comments:

  1. When we look back now we realise tht when the time is right, everything falls into place & wonder why we went thru all the heartache needlessly.

    Just when it was getting warm u stopped:-)

    Waiting for the next part!!!!

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  2. I couldn't put this in much better words... this was me too... let's see ur second part.

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  3. wow!! what purnima has said holds for me too..seems like i'm reading my own story..waiting for the next one!!

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  4. Reflections: yes, fruits of patience are sweet..

    Purnima: really? are we soul sisters then??..

    Shuchi: u too? we could start a club here..:-)

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  5. Waiting for the 3rd part...Can related to it from my friends... Guess arranged marriages mostly go like this.. with lot of rejections, frustrations and all of that... Thanking my stars for not having to go thru this...

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  6. Namratha: ya..but all's well that ends well..:-)

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  7. umm can't wait to read the remaining two parts.

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    Replies
    1. you are lucky, you don't have to wait ;-) :-)

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  8. Interesting, jumping to the next part :).

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  9. Wow!
    I just scrolled down and came upon this blog of yours by chance. Would you believe,if i told you I had written similar blog many years ago, and recently I reposted with the very same title "How I Met My Husband"in Blogspot?
    Can't believe no?
    How two people totally unknown to each think of writing about their lives, choosing the same title, is unbelievable.
    I think we are similar in many ways.
    I have to now read the other parts of your story.

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