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The final call #Friday Fictioneers

PHOTO PROMPT Copyright-Ted Strutz

The harbour was buzzing with activity that winter morning. There was a nip in the air that cut through the strange calmness in the mood despite the hustle-bustle. 

The big vessel let out its final call. I had several packages in my caravan and was already running late. Yet, my stride felt heavy; as though someone was watching, calling out to me.

Of course! Looking out of the opposite window was a blue-eyed boy waving out to me.

I broke out in cold sweat.

The dentist, I'd heard, had shut his clinic last week after his only son died tragically. 


Word count: 100
___________
Written for Friday Fictioneers

Comments

  1. Dear Uma,

    Welcome to Friday Fictioneers.

    You've left us with a bit of mystery. It makes me wonder if the storyteller knows something about the son's death.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the prompt and for reading, Rochelle!
      umm, well, I didn't think that the ending could be openly interpreted. My bad!
      I tried to have a spooky ending..wanted to convey that the clinic was closed yet he saw the boy from within-one who died recently. :-)

      Delete
  2. That was so spooky!! I am reminded of your one line ghost story post.
    I think horror stories are best related in short excerpts .. It makes the scary images linger in the mind more effectively than long and detailed ones.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Aarthy! I'm glad the spookiness came across as intended :-)
      Yes, shorter ones are generally crisp and leave out the distracting details.

      Delete
  3. Uma, Welcome to Friday Fictioneers! Good story and well written. It stands alone, but would be a great beginning for a longer story. Well done. : ) ---Susan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot for the warm and encouraging words, Susan. It feels great! :-)

      Delete
  4. noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............How could you!!!! I got goosebumps.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaha, Red...I've succeeded in my attempt, then :-)

      Delete
  5. Lovely take, Uma :) Liked the spooky ending a lot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks a lot, Shailaja. I'm glad you liked it :-)

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. A writer's reward if the readers like the story, Bikram :-)

      Delete
  7. You did bring an unexpected and spooky end to the short story.I liked it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks a lot, KP sir. I'm glad to know you liked it :-)

      Delete
  8. Creepy! Dead boys knocking. Well done, Alicia Jamtaas.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dear Uma, I'm getting chills thinking about it! Good intrigue and the creepy factor is 9 out of 10 - in other words, GOOD JOB! Hey, did you wave back? Nan :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is that you Nancy???
      I'm glad that this is rated so high on the creepiness factor, thanks :-)

      Delete
    2. errr...as for waving back, I don't remember much after seeing the
      dead boy ;-)

      Delete
  10. that would be a surreal moment seeing someone thought to be dead. you described this scene well with the day just being ordinary but turns eerie at the end.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sun, for reading and appreciating!

      Delete
  11. You gave me chills. How thrilling! ♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad then, Kathy, for my efforts did not go in vain :-) Thanks!

      Delete
  12. Replies
    1. @ Zeba, thanks for reading :-)

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  13. Replies
    1. I'm glad Namratha..for the goosebumps and also to have you here :-)

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  14. that was scary but very interesting! loved reading it :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Ankita for your kind words. Appreciate it :-)

      Delete
  15. Hi Uma! I've nominated your name for the Liebster Award, I do hope you accept. :)
    Check out the details here- http://callitatale.blogspot.in/2014/06/the-liebster-award.html

    Love,
    Soumyaa

    ReplyDelete

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