PHOTO PROMPT Copyright-Ted Strutz
The harbour was buzzing with activity that
winter morning. There was a nip in the air that cut through the strange
calmness in the mood despite the hustle-bustle.
The big vessel let out its final call. I had
several packages in my caravan and was already running late. Yet, my stride
felt heavy; as though someone was watching, calling out to me.
Of course! Looking out of the opposite window
was a blue-eyed boy waving out to me.
I broke out in cold sweat.
The dentist, I'd heard, had shut his
clinic last week after his only son died tragically.
Word count: 100
___________
Written for Friday Fictioneers.
Dear Uma,
ReplyDeleteWelcome to Friday Fictioneers.
You've left us with a bit of mystery. It makes me wonder if the storyteller knows something about the son's death.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks for the prompt and for reading, Rochelle!
Deleteumm, well, I didn't think that the ending could be openly interpreted. My bad!
I tried to have a spooky ending..wanted to convey that the clinic was closed yet he saw the boy from within-one who died recently. :-)
That was so spooky!! I am reminded of your one line ghost story post.
ReplyDeleteI think horror stories are best related in short excerpts .. It makes the scary images linger in the mind more effectively than long and detailed ones.
Thanks, Aarthy! I'm glad the spookiness came across as intended :-)
DeleteYes, shorter ones are generally crisp and leave out the distracting details.
Uma, Welcome to Friday Fictioneers! Good story and well written. It stands alone, but would be a great beginning for a longer story. Well done. : ) ---Susan
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot for the warm and encouraging words, Susan. It feels great! :-)
Deletenoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............How could you!!!! I got goosebumps.....
ReplyDeletehahaha, Red...I've succeeded in my attempt, then :-)
DeleteLovely take, Uma :) Liked the spooky ending a lot!
ReplyDeletethanks a lot, Shailaja. I'm glad you liked it :-)
Deleteoh..
ReplyDeleteI liked the twist ...
Bikram
A writer's reward if the readers like the story, Bikram :-)
DeleteYou did bring an unexpected and spooky end to the short story.I liked it
ReplyDeletethanks a lot, KP sir. I'm glad to know you liked it :-)
DeleteCreepy! Dead boys knocking. Well done, Alicia Jamtaas.
ReplyDeletethank you, Alicia!
DeleteDear Uma, I'm getting chills thinking about it! Good intrigue and the creepy factor is 9 out of 10 - in other words, GOOD JOB! Hey, did you wave back? Nan :)
ReplyDeleteIs that you Nancy???
DeleteI'm glad that this is rated so high on the creepiness factor, thanks :-)
errr...as for waving back, I don't remember much after seeing the
Deletedead boy ;-)
that would be a surreal moment seeing someone thought to be dead. you described this scene well with the day just being ordinary but turns eerie at the end.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sun, for reading and appreciating!
DeleteYou gave me chills. How thrilling! ♥
ReplyDeleteI'm glad then, Kathy, for my efforts did not go in vain :-) Thanks!
DeleteGoosebumps!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad Namratha..for the goosebumps and also to have you here :-)
Deletethat was scary but very interesting! loved reading it :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ankita for your kind words. Appreciate it :-)
Delete@ Zeba, thanks for reading :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Uma! I've nominated your name for the Liebster Award, I do hope you accept. :)
ReplyDeleteCheck out the details here- http://callitatale.blogspot.in/2014/06/the-liebster-award.html
Love,
Soumyaa