The final call #Friday Fictioneers

PHOTO PROMPT Copyright-Ted Strutz

The harbour was buzzing with activity that winter morning. There was a nip in the air that cut through the strange calmness in the mood despite the hustle-bustle. 

The big vessel let out its final call. I had several packages in my caravan and was already running late. Yet, my stride felt heavy; as though someone was watching, calling out to me.

Of course! Looking out of the opposite window was a blue-eyed boy waving out to me.

I broke out in cold sweat.

The dentist, I'd heard, had shut his clinic last week after his only son died tragically. 


Word count: 100
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Written for Friday Fictioneers

30 comments:

  1. Dear Uma,

    Welcome to Friday Fictioneers.

    You've left us with a bit of mystery. It makes me wonder if the storyteller knows something about the son's death.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the prompt and for reading, Rochelle!
      umm, well, I didn't think that the ending could be openly interpreted. My bad!
      I tried to have a spooky ending..wanted to convey that the clinic was closed yet he saw the boy from within-one who died recently. :-)

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  2. That was so spooky!! I am reminded of your one line ghost story post.
    I think horror stories are best related in short excerpts .. It makes the scary images linger in the mind more effectively than long and detailed ones.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Aarthy! I'm glad the spookiness came across as intended :-)
      Yes, shorter ones are generally crisp and leave out the distracting details.

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  3. Uma, Welcome to Friday Fictioneers! Good story and well written. It stands alone, but would be a great beginning for a longer story. Well done. : ) ---Susan

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    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot for the warm and encouraging words, Susan. It feels great! :-)

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  4. noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............How could you!!!! I got goosebumps.....

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    Replies
    1. hahaha, Red...I've succeeded in my attempt, then :-)

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  5. Lovely take, Uma :) Liked the spooky ending a lot!

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    1. thanks a lot, Shailaja. I'm glad you liked it :-)

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  6. Replies
    1. A writer's reward if the readers like the story, Bikram :-)

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  7. You did bring an unexpected and spooky end to the short story.I liked it

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    1. thanks a lot, KP sir. I'm glad to know you liked it :-)

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  8. Creepy! Dead boys knocking. Well done, Alicia Jamtaas.

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  9. Dear Uma, I'm getting chills thinking about it! Good intrigue and the creepy factor is 9 out of 10 - in other words, GOOD JOB! Hey, did you wave back? Nan :)

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    1. Is that you Nancy???
      I'm glad that this is rated so high on the creepiness factor, thanks :-)

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    2. errr...as for waving back, I don't remember much after seeing the
      dead boy ;-)

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  10. that would be a surreal moment seeing someone thought to be dead. you described this scene well with the day just being ordinary but turns eerie at the end.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sun, for reading and appreciating!

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  11. You gave me chills. How thrilling! ♥

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    1. I'm glad then, Kathy, for my efforts did not go in vain :-) Thanks!

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  12. Replies
    1. @ Zeba, thanks for reading :-)

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  13. Replies
    1. I'm glad Namratha..for the goosebumps and also to have you here :-)

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  14. that was scary but very interesting! loved reading it :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Ankita for your kind words. Appreciate it :-)

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  15. Hi Uma! I've nominated your name for the Liebster Award, I do hope you accept. :)
    Check out the details here- http://callitatale.blogspot.in/2014/06/the-liebster-award.html

    Love,
    Soumyaa

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