Of collecting and collating memories

We shopped for hours, M and I. I intended buying gifts for family and close friends. In between shopping for others, I browsed and picked up junk jewelry and clothes for myself. Flitting from one shop to another in the row of several tiny shops lined next to each other, we enjoyed the art of shopping as only women can. Despite not being the quintessential shoppers. We realized that we are quite similar in our shopping habits. Focusing on things that we had in mind and not lingering around shops we have no intention of buying from.

We came back satiated to join the men and kids at a beach that's just across M's house. The evening was cool with a light breeze. The clean sand glistened against the dark evening sky. The sea glittered with the lights cast into the waters by a fleet of ships lined up in neat rows farther down the shore. The kids were making merry building sand castles and running about unfettered. As we adults huddled together in the open seating area of the adjacent food court, a heady mix of different food smells wafted across. Just the perfect evening one could have. Food, drinks, and friendly banter with some occasional food for thought thrown in.

We left for Bali the next day afternoon. The flight was a bit delayed and as is wont with the smartphone and wi-fi era, the extra time was duly spent clicking and posting selfies. We caught up with some sleep on the flight. Just before we began our descent, we woke up to a beautiful sight of the bright setting sun casting a radiant yellow and crimson glow on the sky on one side while the cool white moon shimmered pleasantly on the other.

We met D, our warm and courteous chauffeur, at the airport who'd also be our tour guide for the next three days. On the way to our hotel, we passed by a lot of  life-size statues at road junctures depicting scenes from mythology, particularly the Ramayana and even the Mahabharata. It was not surprising considering the fact that the island is named after the mighty king Bali in Ramayana. Over the next three days, we were to discover a beautiful land; one that was similar to India in many ways, yet one that retained a distinct, unique culture of its own.

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That special relationship called friendship!

In school and college, I always yearned to have a big group of friends, bonding over small and big things and in general painting the town red. That never happened. I was a shy and introverted girl and this seemed more like a fantasy. I was naive and short of perspective to package friendship into certain brackets. Sharing the same bench in school and college was not the only factor that went into this complex, but beautiful relationship.

What I also didn't know was that, I would develop a thick bond of friendship with a bunch of people from different family backgrounds, each from a different educational institute, who'd later go on to choose  different career paths, get married at different points and go on to live in different states and countries, yet having the one and only common thread between us, that of friendship remaining intact, despite all these differences.

We 'd hang out in the evenings after our respective college hours, go out for movies, party hard on special occasions, have frequent sleep overs, gossiping all through the night, the likes ; the typical  stuff teenage and the adrenalin of independence brings along. All of us did have a good head over our shoulders too. We all belonged to different interests and stream of education, yet we shared the common bond of having the same values and outlook towards life. Life took each one of us to task in its own way and at different points of our lives. We were extremely lucky to have one or the other among the gang to provide the proverbial shoulder to lean on while going through a low phase in life.

Life has been more than kind to let this friendship grow even after we got married and had kids. The icing on the cake has been having three of us coming to reside in the same city after many years, to discover the husbands getting along well and our kids (being of the same age) becoming default friends too! As is the rule of life, this ideal situation is soon going to change since one of us is about to relocate abroad for a while now. The time seemed apt to have a reunion of sorts when our fourth friend who stays at Bombay decided to pay us a visit, for who knows, when the planets would align like this again in future!

So, last weekend was such a time when all of us got together. It was so much fun catching up. It seemed like the time had never passed by. Of course, we now had kids to remind us of how much things had changed. Yet, nothing had changed between us.  We are like the spokes of a wheel: diverging in different directions with different aspirations and goals, yet we converge at the central point that is our trademark of being friends together.

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In life you win some, you lose some

Full of mixed feelings is what I'd describe my current mood to be. One of our couple friends is moving to a distant part of the city in a few weeks from now. Although, technically, we will still be in the same city, it will be practically impossible to meet every weekend or just drop in unannounced at each other's place for a quick coffee and chat during the week- something that had become a routine with us over the past couple of years since we moved to Bangalore.

As I look back at how our friendship developed over the years, it brings a happy smile to my face. The guy and the husband used to be roomies during their bachelorhood. When he got married (just 6 months after our wedding), his wife and I became good friends. However they moved to B'lore soon after and we only remained in touch over the phone. We had our babies in the same year (just a month apart) and this made the bonding even stronger.  We went through similar pains and troubles in the first year of being parents. We'd trade our horror stories of breast-feeding and general baby stuff and feel re-assured with each other's experience.

Later, when we moved to B'lore, and got a place close to where they lived, our joy knew no bounds. Impromptu get-togethers, potlucks, lunch/dinner at the others house for no reason, and night overs became a part of our life. Since the kids are also of the same age, we had more reason to meet, discuss and share things. They are one of those rare people who you can trust and depend on during difficult times. They have never faltered and failed to lend their help (in any form) whenever the need arose.  (I just hope we've also been good friends to them.)
 
The husband, who is generally frugal in displaying finer emotions, also confessed feeling bad about having them move away from us. As they say, change is the only constant in life. Nothing is more unwise than to slip into a comfort zone and hope that things will continue in the current form forever. Of, course, we are happy for them, 'cause this move means a lot for them in many ways and we wish them all the very best. But, we are surely going to miss them. Weekends will never be the same.  

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Do you have one in your life?

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After a long time, my friend A and I had a chance to have a (now rare) long afternoon cozy girl chat. As is the case with long cozy girl chats, we fleeted in and out of a hundred topics, laughing at silly jokes, empathising with each other, pulling each others' legs and generally reminiscing about the days/years gone by and how far we have come.

Having a BFF (best friend forever) means so much. It is so much easier to unburden yourself without the fear of being judged or misunderstood. The light-hearted gossip, the secrets shared, the out-pourings of a bruised heart, the silly banter is something one can enjoy only in the best friend's company. True, a husband can be a great friend too but sometimes only a girl can understand another :-) There is no better medicine than to talk your heart out to your BFF. Even if s/he does not really share your opinion, you wouldn't regret one bit in letting your soul bare. You'll be told exactly what you need to hear, also in the manner best suited to you. There are no instant solutions given at times, just an attentive ear for that's all you need then. There is an untold telepathy that senses what would be the right therapy. You can really be your dumb self and still not be laughed at. Your deepest/darkest secret is safe with her/him. When your hesitant, concerned confession like,"you know, I did this" is met by "thank God, you said this. You won't believe what I did!", you've met your soul-friend.

Now, this friend and I have known each other for about 18 years now. Phew! sounds like a lifetime, isn't it? And yes, which means we have pretty much been with each other through our best, worst and all the in-between times. I shared her ecstasy when she cleared her MBA entrance exams and went to study in one of the best colleges, promising to be in touch for the brief period she was going to be away studying in a different city. And remain in touch we did. She was in turn my sounding board when I went through the lows in my life and needed someone to just listen to what I said. We were there for each another during happy and sad times. Each time, life took us different ways, literally or figuratively, I felt maybe the relationship might lose the steam and die a natural death but somehow life also ensured we meet at interjections and refuel lost momentum. Our friendship has survived the odd misunderstandings, ensuing fights and long-distances. Touchwood!

So, have we changed as persons in so many years? Yes! we have evolved in some ways. Our personalities have undergone some changes too. Has our equation then changed? Hell no! we are still the same giggly girls in core who connect at a deeper level. It seems incredible that we have journeyed together through our formative years, significant phases of life and then come full-circle where we witness our kids being each others' play dates. Time will only tell if they too become friends to carry forward the legacy.

So, do you have one such friend in your life? 

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