I wish....

... I had the boon of sprouting extra arms. Really, I need it at least in the morning hours. Imagine a scene, when the coffee needs to be made, the lunch and breakfast prepared, lunch packed, breakfast eaten, something called a bath needs to be checked off the list and in the midst of all this the toddler needs to be fed, cleaned and kept away from making merry and mischief. Imagine doing all of this like a juggler's act. Phew!

I wish I could yell at the clock, "shrimati tickticky shaant hojayiye!" "Mujhe lifeline chaahiye!!!". Actually it works much better if this is directed at the Husband who is peacefully meditating while the circus is on at full swing. No fun being alone in the circus. More the merrier. So the Husband joins in haplessly. He dons the garb of the lifeline and proceeds to handle the toddler who is a gleeful spectator and also the secret catalyst in sprucing the whole show.

Then there are days that seem like the universe is out to punish you for all the wrong doings in the last 5 lifetimes, all at once in this lifetime. The dal gets burnt, the dosas stick to the pan, the milk boils over onto the stove and the counter, the toddler is at his extra energetic self, having already spilt the sugar and salt on the floor, decides to re-design the interiors and insists on having the sofa cushions on the floor. The law of Murphy also works to the Tee on such days with the Husband suddenly announcing that he has a meeting early in the day and "sadly" he cannot be the "lifeline" that day. On such days I have resisted the urge to scream "Bachaoooooooo" and dash out of the house.

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Wife-y and motherly blues

I am slowly turning to a nag. I had never thought I would. But then who on earth imagines and dreams of being one. I always prided on having the answers to relationship complications. The answers are still there though only in my mind. I am unable to practice it.
I feel resentful for most part nowadays. The chunk of it is directed towards my husband who is invariably the target for all the right and wrong reasons.
I feel resentful because I feel I am doing all the work all by myself. I get up, make lunch, breakfast, pack lunch for my husband, make breakfast for my kid, feed him, clean-up his potty, prepare for his bath, take a shower myself, put the clothes into the machine, all this within 3 hrs in the morning. Then I have some peace after my husband has left for work and my son is bathed. He sleeps for the rest of the morning and my maid comes to clean the house. Then, from the time my son wakes up till late into the evening I take care of his needs, entertainment, etc. By the time my hubby comes home, it is time for my son to have dinner and go to bed. Hubby is also tired and hungry and can’t wait to have his dinner and crash down into slumber. I don’t blame him yet I can’t stop venting my frustrations at him. I really do feel isolated in the sea of parenthood and cannot seem to take stock of the situation. I know the answers and the questions yet the resentment!

p.s. (quite many days have lapsed since the time I wrote the above and as I couldn't post it in time, I need to update it.)

A few days after the above was written, hubby decided to take over giving breakfast to the lil' one and also cleaning his morning potty. It means a lot to me. It is a huge help in itself. I was trying to get back to my usual self and I guess was a tad successful too until today. I decided to cook something more than the routine stuff prompted by hubby of course ("I don’t remember the last time you cooked this" always works you see). Hence was running late. Hubby magnanimously agreed to wait till I took the shower. I too returned the favour by finishing in record speed (actually, I don’t remember taking a luxurious leisurely shower ever since I became a mother, sigh! well, will talk about this some other time). I came out to find the entire house in a shape that perhaps only an earthquake or hurricane could have otherwise caused. Skills of a toddler, you know. Dear son was at it-and is always at it-when I am most busy to give him even a glance. The shoe-rack was emptied and some of the contents were found in the kitchen. The spoons from the kitchen cabinet were distributed equally on the living room sofas and chairs. (Yes, I have heard of baby proofing but we stay in a rented flat, so do not have much choice in this matter.) The toys were scattered everywhere. The bed was ‘made’ (by hubby) in a shoddy manner. I can go on but for the reader's benefit, shall stop here. Hubby was found reading a blog on internet amidst all this. Seeing me, and knowing me, he left in a hurry. This was reason enough for me to explode like a volcano. I called hubby and as soon as the call was picked up, howled for 5 seconds only to hear hubby calmly say, "Sorry, I was unable to hear you".
The receiver went BANG on my end!!!! I am back to being a Nag.

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