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A page from a diary

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The chill of the mid-morning breeze hits my face as I gingerly push open the french doors of the living room. I can feel the goosebumps on my naked hands. The hot tumbler of coffee and the vibrant swing in my verandah cajole me to ignore the stuffed nose and dull ache in my head. The fragrant vapour from the tumbler caresses the face, acting as a soothing balm for my stressed muscles. I close my eyes to savour the strong beverage slowly, letting it melt away the sluggishness of the mind and body.

 As I gently rock on the swing, the view of the neighbourhood that's cut from the ground realities fills me with mixed senses. It seemed perfect if not for some ugly truths. I can choose to dwell on the superficial. In a way, the outside reflected the inside of my mind. On some days I prefer to gaze contentedly at the calm surface. On other days I'm swept by the strong tide into murkier waters. Several thoughts flit across my mind as the tumbler lies now cold and empty in my hand. I muse on life and other related things.

Aspirations in life present many a conundrum. I wonder if a sense of misplaced belonging is one of them. You're aiming for a particular altitude and when you reach it, you're left wondering if that's where you want to be. The place seems strange and a bit cold. Being pushed against a glittering backdrop, I feel jaded. It takes a while to get acclimatised, I reason out. I step back to lick my wounds, to ruminate over choices. The life I left behind is not the same anymore. There are people I do not relate to. However, they seem to be looking up to me. It's discomforting in a way since I'm seeking something else. Or not? I'm not sure anymore.

It's life that lets you hanker after a coveted object. It has an uncanny knack of granting you your wish in ways least expected (or even desired), and also possibly when you are least prepared to receive it. It's life that presents you a raw clay, goading you to carve that dream. It's also the life that takes the air out of the balloon as you pluck it from the soaring skies.

You can choose to lament over the deflated balloon or gather strength in your lungs and breathe life into it. Again.


In life, you assume many roles and in the act of juggling, you can lose perspective. Myriad thoughts grip you, paralysing the ability to rationalise.

Sometimes, it's best to have the disjointed thoughts connect as they flow out. You never know when they could make a beautiful tapestry.

Did you like this page out of a diary? Could you relate to it in any way?


  1. Very well expressed Uma! In the tapestry of life, it is the disjointed stuff that make up a beautiful pattern, so just go ahead and do what you think is right for you.

    1. Thank you, Vibha! If only figuring out what's right for you was simpler :-(

  2. I've returned to this space after what seems like ages, and I am so glad I read this tonight!
    Currently in life, I seem to be at a point where I just can't see things making sense, and I think I need to get a fresh perspective of things.

    Thank you for reminding me that sometimes it is the disjointed bits that have the capability of forming the bigger picture. I guess I need to still learn and master the art of patience! Hopefully, in the end, things will come together :-)

    1. Hey Divya, so nice to have you here again! I understand what you say. Hope you find the positive perspective.
      Yes, all's well in the end! All the best :-)

  3. Replies
    1. Most definitely, Sujatha, and that makes it interesting too!


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