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New beginnings

It's going to be a new slate once again. The fourth house in seven years, but with a big difference. With the tag of it being 'ours'. It's a ticklish feeling of entering your own abode. The 'site' that I had been visiting for the past several months, the brick and bare house that transformed bit by bit in front of my eyes, the house that no longer will be alluded to as the 'site' but our 'home', is finally ready-to-move-in and we are busy packing our belongings.

Does it feel euphoric? Do I feel like doing a small jig in the air, curl up my nose in pride to people who ask and say I'm going to my 'home'? Actually, no. This, and all the previous homes that I lived in was ours too till we decided to move out. You invest something more than money in every house that you stay, making it yours. Each time we moved out of a place, a home, we left behind a set of memories, collecting more nostalgia as we moved on.

The very first house after marriage was special for me in every sense. I was truly on my own, making small and big decisions for myself and for the home that was my husband's and mine. Every little item added to the house gave me a sense of pride and there is a lot of memory associated with every nook and corner in that house. The second house was where R was born into, where he first started to crawl and where I first learned to handle a baby, a house and the whole new dimension of motherhood. 

But, of all, this is one house I'll miss the most. This has been the one that gave me wings; a place that let me discover the mother in me and then re-discover myself after motherhood. Some lovely friends, a vibrant community, cultural events that I've been a part of, all of these added many rich layers to my relationship with this place. 

A major part of R's growing up has happened here. I still remember taking him down in his stroller, itching to make adult conversation, barely being able to nod and smile at someone before R's patience ran out and heading back home. A few months later it would be me running after R, still itching to make adult conversations but ending up exploring the empty vast parking lot of the complex and learning the car models along with R. Then, finally, the time came when R decided to play with other kids and when I actually could hold a conversation with fellow mothers for more than a while after a nod and smile. Our respective friendships blossomed, as a sub-set initially and then as individual entities where mothers of his friends did not need to be my friends and vice-versa; a long way we have come.

The routine also has a way of anchoring you to a place in many ways than one. The familiarity of faces, the genuiness of some, the quirkiness of some others, the feel-good factors, the irritants, all of these root you emotionally and sooner than you realize you relate yourself to a place with such parameters, not wanting to let go.

It's not easy saying good-bye. It's not easy to let go. But, let go, I must. To let me enable myself to anchor once again. To find the familiarity in the new, to discover new quirkiness and embrace some genuineness; to make a new routine and let in fresh emotions. To begin a new story on a new slate.

Comments

  1. Will miss u too dear....but not so far from new house...as u said.now ur home..yes u will have a lots to luk forward. .best wishes

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    Replies
    1. thanks, Rohini..yes, hoping to remain connected with you all :-)

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  2. All the best, Uma. Many wishes for your new home and lots of good vibes for a happy future :)

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    1. thanks a lot, Shailaja :-)

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    2. Ah looks like I have read this one before but it was refreshing to read it again given my current situation which is so akin to yours. You're so right about leaving a piece of ourselves behind in every home. I've felt exactly the same way with each home I've lived in.It's always been a home, never a house. It's the people that make the home after all. And may our neighbours and friends be the kind we'd always want in our lives.

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  3. Congratulations Uma!!
    I could completely relate to having memories for each house. I keep telling my husband how the house we currently live in will the fondest one ever .. Because of the happy times of the first year of married life ..

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    1. Definitely, the first house is always special but so will the subsequent ones for many more reasons.
      Thanks, Aarthy! :-)

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  4. Congratulations! It is an exciting adventure to settle in a new place...all the best and call me for chai after u are all set up :)

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    1. Hey Aparna, nice to see you after long :-) Thanks a lot,...and yes, one of high-points will be inviting my friends over :-)

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  5. I know the feeling - having moved houses so many times! Wish you the very best and may you make even more wonderful memories in your new abode!

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  6. Congratulations on your new home !!! Very well written

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  7. Well said Uma. A house owned alone is not our home. Every other house has equally been mine. Even today I look at the old house with a heart full of sweet memories. :)
    Best of luck in packing and moving!!!

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    1. Thanks, Chitra..need the luck! ;-)

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  8. Great post, Uma. Ok, finally, you are moving to your home? I totally understand how each home becomes coloured with your memories. Going through the same emotions about leaving our current place.

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    1. yes, Vibha..finally moving..:-)
      Can completely empathize with you...

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  9. Many congratulations. I agree. One always give more than just physically occupying a space whether it is our own or rented. I remember crying when I left the first house I lived in after marriage. It marked the beginning of so many new things. Have fun filling your own home with happiness and life long memories.

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    1. thanks a lot, Jas..I've always been a little teary eyed while leaving each of my previous homes..:-)

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  10. This is really nice topic, which is very use full for me.

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  11. Only if you let go of something, you can hold onto something new! It's the rule of life. May this new home shower you with pleasant memories for the rest of your life.

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    Replies
    1. True, Keirthana and thanks so much for the wishes :-)

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