When you are single, you notice other friends getting married one by one and you immediately feel the clock ticking in your head. (And, I'm not even going into the pestering intrusive prodding from the sundry social circle. )When married, either immediately in some cases or after a couple of years in others, the baby boom around you beings to affect you and the worries of having to deliver the first before the dreaded thirtieth year of age, begin to haunt you.
The first one comes along in time. You get busy with all the diaper changing, breast-feeding, sleepless nights and before you realize the baby is past a year old. You are beginning to heave a sigh of relief, trying to put together the threads of your life once again; living life once again as a normal individual, happy as a unit of three. You've decided that this is it. Your family is complete and you don't want to re-shuffle the pieces of the jig-saw just as it is coming through beautifully. The child is growing well, you are loving the "me" time, the finances are just about right to fulfill all the needs. A little luxurious living will still take time but that's OK. You are prepared to wait, since you know the mouths to feed, clothe and educate is only one. One more might trip the balance in the wrong way and you probably do not want that. Also, the mental and physical pressure is too much, you decide. It helps that the husband falls in this line of thought.
Of course, some decisions in life can never be termed final. "What? no second? are you sure? how can you do this to your first born? Doesn't he/she need a sibling? Don't rush into this decision" : You face the interrogation in the court of your social circle quite bravely and convincingly (to your ears) laying down your cards of defense and trying for a quick acquittal. Each time you also fight the inner battles of whether you are taking the right decision, if the first one will be greatly affected by not having a blood-related sibling, and whether it might be too late if and when you'd want to reconsider. The questions from the outside slowly die down. You think you are being let off. But, no, you are mistaken, it was just a brief parole.
And, then the baby boom begins once again. Women, all around you are sporting the baby bump with a lot of pride (the apprehensions are always well-hidden, you see) and of,course, a toddler in tow. The pressure builds up, once again. (Oh! when does peer pressure end! ) A nagging, tingling feeling of being alone in a minority camp begins to gnaw at you at somewhere in the corner of your mind. You push the thought away in a hurry. But, the damage is done. You are now beginning to re-think and doubt your earlier decision of "one and done". You begin to imagine a life with a second child in the family picture. At times, you feel overpowered and enthused by the new possibility, and want to jump right into the bandwagon. At other times the practical part of the brain takes over and begins to list the very things that you had considered earlier whilst setting up camp in the single child brigade. You are more confused than ever.
Does this seem like your story? I'm collecting as many views as possible, so please share your candid thoughts, through your own experience or based on your observation of people.
Do people view a second child only as a companion for the first? When a couple decides to have more than one child, is it because of the social norm, a conditioning of seeing a family as a unit of four or more members? Does the temperament of the first child decide the need for or against a second one? What is the deciding factor for couples who having once decided to stick to one kid, later think of an addition?In such cases, are the second ones always a compromise and not completely welcomed as the first?
Do single children automatically feel the need to have more than one child when they get married? If yes, why? Do they grow up feeling left-out and grudge the parents for not providing a ready play-mate? Is it really such a life-shattering decision to choose to have only one kid or none at all?
Why is society so rigidly constructed that every time someone feels the need to step out of the norm, they are expected to justify their decision, made to feel apprehensive about having to regret their choice at a latter stage, made to feel guilty through subtle and non-subtle ways of the rule-conforming clan?
The first one comes along in time. You get busy with all the diaper changing, breast-feeding, sleepless nights and before you realize the baby is past a year old. You are beginning to heave a sigh of relief, trying to put together the threads of your life once again; living life once again as a normal individual, happy as a unit of three. You've decided that this is it. Your family is complete and you don't want to re-shuffle the pieces of the jig-saw just as it is coming through beautifully. The child is growing well, you are loving the "me" time, the finances are just about right to fulfill all the needs. A little luxurious living will still take time but that's OK. You are prepared to wait, since you know the mouths to feed, clothe and educate is only one. One more might trip the balance in the wrong way and you probably do not want that. Also, the mental and physical pressure is too much, you decide. It helps that the husband falls in this line of thought.
Of course, some decisions in life can never be termed final. "What? no second? are you sure? how can you do this to your first born? Doesn't he/she need a sibling? Don't rush into this decision" : You face the interrogation in the court of your social circle quite bravely and convincingly (to your ears) laying down your cards of defense and trying for a quick acquittal. Each time you also fight the inner battles of whether you are taking the right decision, if the first one will be greatly affected by not having a blood-related sibling, and whether it might be too late if and when you'd want to reconsider. The questions from the outside slowly die down. You think you are being let off. But, no, you are mistaken, it was just a brief parole.
And, then the baby boom begins once again. Women, all around you are sporting the baby bump with a lot of pride (the apprehensions are always well-hidden, you see) and of,course, a toddler in tow. The pressure builds up, once again. (Oh! when does peer pressure end! ) A nagging, tingling feeling of being alone in a minority camp begins to gnaw at you at somewhere in the corner of your mind. You push the thought away in a hurry. But, the damage is done. You are now beginning to re-think and doubt your earlier decision of "one and done". You begin to imagine a life with a second child in the family picture. At times, you feel overpowered and enthused by the new possibility, and want to jump right into the bandwagon. At other times the practical part of the brain takes over and begins to list the very things that you had considered earlier whilst setting up camp in the single child brigade. You are more confused than ever.
Does this seem like your story? I'm collecting as many views as possible, so please share your candid thoughts, through your own experience or based on your observation of people.
Do people view a second child only as a companion for the first? When a couple decides to have more than one child, is it because of the social norm, a conditioning of seeing a family as a unit of four or more members? Does the temperament of the first child decide the need for or against a second one? What is the deciding factor for couples who having once decided to stick to one kid, later think of an addition?In such cases, are the second ones always a compromise and not completely welcomed as the first?
Do single children automatically feel the need to have more than one child when they get married? If yes, why? Do they grow up feeling left-out and grudge the parents for not providing a ready play-mate? Is it really such a life-shattering decision to choose to have only one kid or none at all?
Why is society so rigidly constructed that every time someone feels the need to step out of the norm, they are expected to justify their decision, made to feel apprehensive about having to regret their choice at a latter stage, made to feel guilty through subtle and non-subtle ways of the rule-conforming clan?
