January 3, 2017

Stepping into 2017: the mind seeks!


I sit gazing at the screen of my laptop waiting for words to spill forth. A hundred myriad thoughts are crowding together, none of them coherent. They seem like restless school kids waiting to rush out of the gates with the ring of the closing bell. Which among these will first succeed in bursting the pregnant cloud of emotions, feelings, and introspection, to pour down as steady, restrained rain?

I look around and see happy, hopeful, energetic, determined posts about welcoming 2017. I wonder if I have anything similar to show the world; about my goals, plans, or a new word or resolutions. I realize I have none. Perhaps, it's the hangover of the New Year celebrations that I partake in each year; one that descends on your soul without being inebriated.

Mere words will not suffice to describe how the first day of 2017 dawned for me; soaked in divinity, drenching the fortunate gathering with grace, humility, and hope. Even though the celebrations remain the same each year, there's a new layer added to the experience and the only resolution I make then is to arrive in time every year to receive this benevolent offering and pray to the Almighty to make it happen.

Walking down the familiar lanes of the place where I grew up and lived until I got married seemed like turning the pages of an old picture album. Sepia-tinted, the characters grow older with every turn of the page. As I waited in the park watching R and S prancing about without a care in the world, I was automatically thrown back to the times when I was in their place. The neighbourhood mamas and mamis were the quintessential middle-aged saree-clad/dhoti-clad folks for my tribe then. An age and time that seemed far away from us; one that we were not in a hurry to reach. Today, I was them. Maybe not saree-clad but surely middle-aged. I wondered how did that make me feel. It sounds utterly cliched and fake but time had stood still for me in more ways than one. I was in a relative bubble where I was still the young girl who was perhaps at her parents' after a brief period of separation.

The enormity of age and its vagaries struck me hard as I sat with Amma casually enquiring after our acquaintances. Someone's spouse had passed on while a few I knew were no more. A handful had relocated elsewhere while some others were celebrating the arrival of the grandchildren. Life was coming a full circle. Time and tide waits for none and finally, only the memories would remain.

Trips back home, especially during the year-end, leave me more wistful than ever. And, my family isn't the only reason. The familiarity beckons to me even as I fly back to my own home, the one I have familiarized, created and nourished over the recent years.

As young fledglings, I longed to travel far, assimilate newer and richer experience in love, relationships, and work. However, as I strike off year after year from the calendar, adding those to my age, I sense a longing, for an anchor, a reason, a homecoming moment when I can finally say I've arrived in a true sense. Is it disillusionment from not understanding what exactly I'm after and hence orient myself accordingly or is this what one would call growing mature? I do not know yet.

My word for the year should perhaps be 'seek'.

*****
How has 2017 begun for you all? 

I wish you all a wonderful year, one in which you realize what your dreams are and are also able to sow the seeds to achieve them!

16 comments :

  1. Wishing you a happy new year too Uma and looking forward to many more poetic posts like this one.

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  2. Happy 2017 Uma! And may you 'seek' whatever your heart wants youvto!!
    Enjoyed your poetically shimmering prose!😃

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  3. Only you can write such a unique yet captivating post about New Year, Uma. May this year your readers be blessed with more such write ups from you. Happy New Year, Uma. ��

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    1. Aww..that's such a sweet thing to say, Vinitha. Thanks for being there 😍

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  4. Beautiful post, Uma, what a lovely string of words and thoughts....Love your word for the new year. Wishing you a very Happy New Year with lots of whatever you are looking for...

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    1. Wish you the same, Vibha. Hugs 🤗

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  5. Insightful indeed Uma. End of a year, birthdays.. somehow gets me into similar moods of introspection and perspective thinking. I can understand the nostalgia gnawing in your heart as you walk through he lanes of where you grew up. It took me back to my home town- Bangalore - the road and the lanes I walked and played. Yes the hordes of mamas and maamis ... Sigh!!! I long for it all too...

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    1. Isn't it a bitter-sweet feeling? And, what's with the sombre moods and birthdays, year-ends, right? Thanks for reading and commenting, Ramya 😊

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  6. You write so beautifully , Uma!
    I felt a sense of calm descending over me as I read through your post. It was like I was sitting next to you and listening to you thinking aloud.
    Wishing that you find all that you seek, in 2017 and beyond:)

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    1. Ah, Mayuri, you make me feel so happy with those lovely words of appreciation. Thanks a bunch! 😍

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  7. Happy New Year, Uma! May you find whatever it is that you are seeking :-)
    2017 began on a rather sad note for me - I spent my first night in a hospital...Wonder if it's the mark of an ominous year ahead...Never mind, let the negativity disappear....Hope 2017 turns out to be a good year for you :-)

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    1. Oh, Divya, hope you're better now! ☹️ No, no, it cannot be a ominous sign. All will be good and much better as the year progresses. Good luck!

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  8. I know what you mean. Even I go through these moments and then I think if I have arrived or what needs to be done. Those are the days I tell myself that living every day with whatever love, hope and belief possible is more important than anything and that keeps me going. Wishing you the best 2017.

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    1. Those are words of wisdom, Parul. I'll try to remember these when I feel low. Thank you, Parul, for being there for me 😍

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