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If we were having coffee...

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--I'd brew you some lovely piping hot filter coffee, bubbling with froth and aroma, poured out in steel tumblers or cups, if you wish, and offer it along with some crispy savouries. When it comes to coffee, there's nothing like filter kaapi, I might brag. I hope you'd excuse my vanity and sit down comfortably to some light banter and eventually sober down for a heart-to-heart conversation.

--As we settle down and the initial laughter and madness, that is a part of the package when good friends meet, simmers down, I'd tell you how life is currently packing all the paradoxes in the world and shoving them right up my face. It's, in fact, smirking at me right now.

Something that I had wished for is about to happen. I should, then, be elated, right? Well, honestly, I'm fighting bitter-sweet feelings. It comes at a time when I had almost made peace with the status quo. In some ways, a part of me is looking forward to the change but another part is resisting it because it is a harbinger of some compromises and re-arrangements which are unsettling. It makes me realise how we wish for things without truly comprehending its effects. I was perhaps not fully ready for whatever I had wished for.

--I'd then perk up as you offer consolatory words and move on to tell you how our apartment complex has suddenly erupted up in festive liveliness and colourful spirit. It's taken a while for this to happen but it's certainly heart-warming to see the various ethnicities warm up to one another and emerge as a homogenous unit during community celebrations. Starting with a spirited patriotic front put up for Independence day to the cultural and devotional extravaganza for Ganesha, the energy has been pulsating.

--I'd share my experiences of the Ganesha celebrations; about how fulfilling it was to extend my contribution towards the prasadam-making for one of the days. I usually baulk at cooking large quantities of food and making a sweet for about 30-40 people was certainly not right up my alley. Yet, I brushed off my hesitancy and agreed. I shed a copious amount of inhibition as I sang many solo bhajans but the grand surprise was my decision to take part in a group dance. You might raise an eyebrow at the mention of dance because you know of my limitation and reservations in that area. I'd smile and explain how I kept denying the invitation to join the event until I happened to witness the practice session. The fun and energy exuded by the lovely participants drew me in like a magnet and I impulsively joined in. I'd always be grateful that for once I went with the flow and did not stop to analyse the outcome. I enjoyed myself so thoroughly that now I signed up for a group Garba number during Navratri!

--I'd discuss how work has been very hectic lately. Perhaps, I'd crib about how it has kept me away  from sleep, blogging, and even being idle on Facebook. Now, the last part surely means I'm genuinely busy, right? Yet, I'll also be quick to agree that this is something I'm truly grateful for. Apart from the fact that I derive from it a sense of purpose, I love the teamwork, the energy, and the camaraderie we, as a small unit, share at work. And, I'm not trading this for anything else.

--I'd confess how laid-back I'm and how I do not see myself fitting in the current breed of enthusiastic  mothers, entrepreneurs, bloggers; people who carry a fire in their belly, wanting to leave a mark in this world, do something stupendous and leave a worthy legacy behind. I attended an event recently that talked about how to make yourself stand out in a similarly motivated crowd or competition. I loved the inputs and insights and even networked a bit with the attendees. I looked on with pride and amazement at how some good friends were a part of the panellist. Yet, I couldn't imagine myself being on the other side. No, not because I see myself as less capable. But because I totally lack the fire and passion. Come to think of it, while the rest of the participants furiously clicked and tweeted the proceedings, I sat there happy to just take notes in my diary. I was carrying an old phone whose battery was dying out even as I laid it to rest beside me. I'm also a bit lazy with clicking selfies and photos that need to go out pronto as FB statuses. No, I didn't even come back and shoot out a post here about the lovely experience as I got busy with life. So not the "in" thing. I know. Sigh!

--I'd perhaps look for validation as I admit that I'm someone who at times feels confident and raring to take on the world and at other times is intimidated and boxed into feeling inadequate in a larger and more accomplished crowd. That I readily take a step back in a circle when the others vie and scream for attention and I'd rather not be one among those.

--I'd tell you that I've missed writing for myself, here, in this space.While I do write every day as part of my work, something I enjoy doing as well, it is not the same as writing to satisfy my need to channelise the many thoughts, ideas, and musings that jostle for space in my head to grow and develop their individual identities. I had been itching to share all the happenings in my life and would thank you for the coffee date and the chance to spill my heart out.

--I'd also retreat into spells of silence and listen attentively to what you'd have to share. I'm a good listener that way.

*****

Comments

  1. How nice if was, Uma, to have a glimpse of your thoughts and life.
    Please stay as you are, you are doing great!:)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot, Mayuri! I'm glad to have such lovely company :-)

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  2. I loved how over a cup of virtual coffee, I got a look at your life :D You seem to have great fun during festivities. I miss that here. It's ok to be laid back... sometimes I too wonder about that. Blogging is still a hobby for me :)

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    Replies
    1. Festivities take on a whole new level in India. I can understand how you must feel. I guess being laid-back or fiercely competitive comes to a person naturally and it must take great effort to shift sides. It's about having a disciplined routine for writing more than blogging is what I want to aim at, Raji. Thanks for being here :-)

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  3. I loved how you shared your experiences over that post. Filter kaapi is indeed the best. I had a week of being laid back and we all need at sometimes. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Parul. As long as the laid-back week thrusts you into motion after the rest ;-)

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  4. I love reading your post for the authenticity. Always stay the same. Hugs.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot, Shailaja. Hugs to you too. :-)

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  5. I'm so glad to stop by at this post today! I loved the way and ease with which the words and thoughts flow, the small banter on the blog and the warmth that it has brought!

    Cheers
    Geets

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    Replies
    1. Geets, I'm so glad you think that way. It was great to have you as company :-)

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  6. Now that a lovely cup of coffee Mam.. enjoyed it :)

    I would like to have anbother cup...

    Bikram's

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    1. Bikram, you can have as many as you want. Thank you for stopping by :-)

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  7. Ahh, now I need that cup of hot kaapi! Loved reading thoughts, warm thoughts and smiles coming your way, keep writing :)

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    1. haha, Kala, so did you have a cup of strong Kaapi?I'm writing this as I sip my morning cuppa. Thank you so much for being here :-)

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  8. A lovely warm virtual coffee indeed. YOu write for yourself and about your daily rablings and thats what blogs are supposed to do isnt it.. Bring in a whole lot of warmth

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    Replies
    1. Indeed, Ramya! The blog was started primarily to give semblance to the chaotic ramblings of the mind. The fact that in the process it has brought so many like-minded friends to this space gives me a lot of satisfaction :-)

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