December 27, 2010

One and only. Only one?

My son turned one recently. My friends whose first-borns are around my son’s age are already thinking of or are considering having a second. I feel I am done.
My close friend was aghast when I revealed to her my feelings. She felt I am being mean to my first child by depriving him of a sibling.

I can’t help it if I cannot feel the need or urge to have a second kid. Is it really being mean? I am not sure. We are planning to buy a house. I am a stay-at-home mother hence just one income flowing into the household. A decent schooling these days burns a hole in your pocket. Now, I am not exactly saying that having a second kid will reduce us to a hand-to-mouth existence. But it will definitely put a strain on our resources. Above all this, I cannot quite bring myself to go through the whole process of being pregnant, the delivery, breast-feeding, sleepless nights, potty-training once again. Sleepless nights are not even over yet with the first and I have not even begun potty-training.

Yes, maybe I am being mean. I probably don’t have a strong maternal hormone in me. But this does not make me a bad mother. I love my son truly. He is a friendly and easy kid as of now, though quite hyper-active. He keeps me busy all day. I genuinely enjoy being with him and want to give my all to see him grow into a mature, responsible and sensitive adult.

Who says single kids grow into selfish adults? I can give examples of some selfish adults who didn’t have a dearth of siblings. Who says only kids with siblings learn to share? Those days mingling with other families who have kids were very rare. These days, thanks to a nuclear set-up, every other weekend is spent with friends. Who says only-kids become alone when the parents are gone? I think nowadays kids are naturally quite independent and the parents are gone mentally even before age takes them away physically once the kids reach the teens or pre-teens. I am already considering enrolling myself in an old-age home when the time comes as I do not want to be a burden- emotionally and financially-on my child and do not want him to have feelings of guilt and helplessness.

Maybe I have an answer to everything. Maybe I have searched within for answers or maybe they are excuses. Maybe I might change my mind altogether and go for a second one. But it will not be for the above reasons. The second will not be a missing piece of a jig-saw, just to fill up something. It has to be as desirable as the first. Only then. Till then, one and only.

December 24, 2010

I miss...

I miss…
I miss my life before I was a mom.
I miss sleeping late into the mornings without a baby demanding to be held and fed
I miss the conversations with my hubby and the comfortable silences between us. The silence now is deafening and surely doesn’t speak of comfort either.
I miss going out without the diaper bags and packed snack items.
I miss the luxury of window shopping and shopping without a list.
I miss going out for movies.

Life after a baby is one that does not have a space for “you”
You are a mom and will remain so for the rest of your life.
No doubt my baby brings light into my eyes each time I smile.
I smile every time my baby smiles. I am hurt when he is hurt.
I cherish his naughty ways and never wish he were any different.
My heart melts when he hugs me,unconditionally, full of trust.
I would not trade this for anything else.
Yet, I miss…

My first blog

I had always been fascinated with the idea of writing. Since nowadays writing on a blog has become second in nature to almost every net savvy person, I decided to jump into the bandwagon and try my hand at it.

Someone had told me some years ago that I may possess some flair for writing as my hand showed artistic nature. Although I had, at that time, laughed dismissively at the prospect, the idea had somehow remained in my mind. I began to have notions of discovering a latent author in me. Having said this, I have no clue what I am going to be blogging or writing about. My notions are also crumbling down in face of Reality. Before I altogether rubbish this whole idea and settle down humbly into my modest routine, I decided to limit this to just penning my thoughts on this page whenever time permits.

I am a SAHM (stay-at-home-mother for the uninitiated). Wow, what words people coin these days. Sounds so glamorous. Quite the contrary when the list of endless tasks is laid out. I am not exactly complaining but when you are a 24/7 mother to a toddler who is a big bundle of undying energy it’s only natural to feel worn down, and even frustrated at some points of time. Even as I write this, pangs of guilt build up within me because for a major part I truly enjoy my son’s company. It is a pleasure to be with him and see him grow. I had always wanted to care for my child personally and not leave him or her in a day-care or with a nanny. What is the point in bearing a child with so much trouble and not reap the fruits of seeing the child grow-up! Of course these are my thoughts and a whole lot of working mothers may resent me for saying this. I don’t blame them and do not consider them any less as mothers. It’s just that I have been fortunate to be able to carry out my belief in reality. It has not been without some compromises and sacrifices. But as they say, no pain no gain…