Keeping quiet is an art..

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..that is perhaps never taught to us. Yes, we are shut up many times and we do that to our kids too when the we do not wish to hear what is being said at that time. But, knowing when to keep quiet and being comfortable in quietude does not come easily to all. Vacations in the lap of nature is turned into a check-list of sorts to be ticked off in a hurry just so to revel in the knowing of having seen the must-sees. Who has ever heard of someone who takes a vacation to just be with oneself, aside from the Vipassana camps?


How many of us appreciate or understand the beauty of silence? Even when someone is talking to us, we are not listening silently. We are busy thinking of our response or delving into our knowledge repository for a more intelligent piece of information to share. And, talking over the phone, needs a separate set of etiquette. I, for myself, am guilty of quipping something before the other has had a chance to complete. Imagine, someone is about to end his part as a question but you have idiotically uttered something prematurely making you look like a complete fool. Yes, I have landed myself in embarrassing situations, so. I have cringed and blushed when I have replayed the conversation in my mind many times later.


If silence is good for the wise, how much better is it for the foolish!
IVAN PANIN, Thoughts

Silence is, paradoxically, the art of speaking. A necessary virtue to carry out a conversation. Two people can truly enjoy some moments in peaceful (note the word) silence when they are into a secure and comfortable relationship that does not always need words to express thoughts. When you are truly silent you can listen effectively. Very often we only hear and not listen because we are thinking a hundred things even when our mouths are shut. Selective hearing is what we do because we are rushed to get to the part that may be of interest to us. As a contrast I have also seen couples at restaurants who don't talk to one another, staring into the space blankly or fidgeting with their respective gadgets while the child is running amok near-by. The silence between them is ostensibly not that of comfort. I shudder at the nature of such silences and pray to the Lord to keep these away from the lives of my partner and mine.


A small silence came between us, as precise as a picture hanging on the wall.
                                                                                 Jean Stafford

A person who is by nature a reserved and contemplative person doesn't feel the urge to make small talk with another who is perhaps unnerved by the stillness of the atmosphere. The same situation appears different to different persons. One takes it as an opportunity to reflect and be in the moment while the other is discomforted and at unease with the calm. Coming to face with the inner self requires courage and in the absence of courage, people fill their lives with noise all around, to escape the silence in the din.




“Silence can often be more disturbing than noise, it reveals the complicated mechanism of our thoughts”
                                                                                                ― Jose Rodrigues Migueis

Leaving you with a song that I love for its lyrics....



Revelling in the honour

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bestowed by a kind blogger Jaspreet of goingbeyondthepages.wordpress.com. I was pleasantly surprised to find my name among the nominees for the following lovely and inspiring blogs award. In fact, I actually clicked on the blog address to see if it was actually mine :-)
 
Thanks a ton, Jas for considering me worthy of these. I am truly humbled and honoured.





So, as per the rules, I have to state 7 random facts about myself. I have done the random facts earlier too but here are some new ones.

  1. I panic very easily though I put on a brave face.
  2. Filling up official forms and signing at multiple places gives me jitters. I am always apprehensive of making a mistake.
  3. I like buying new clothes and love handbags of different varieties. (who doesn't???)
  4. I have a fetish for collecting good quality polythene bags- the fancy ones you get at the big stores.
  5. I like to browse through beauty products in a store even though I may not buy them.And, I hate those help who remain close on your heels and breathe down your neck giving unsolicited advice.
  6. I love to travel and see new places.
  7. I am (or rather used to be ) a very punctual person. It is sometimes difficult to keep up with the agreed time with a toddler in tow.



Now, to pass on the awards. I pass on these to some wonderful bloggers, some of whom I know since the time I started my blog and some of whom I have had the good chance to discover recently.













Purnima



On Guru Pournima..

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..I wish to make a confession.

A teacher shows the path of right to the students. She is like the ray of light at the end of a dark tunnel of ignorance. A good teacher not only inculcates the lessons but also guides the student towards the right path by walking the steps along. Indeed blessed are the people who have had at least one good teacher in their lives.

I have had the good fortune of having some good teachers in my life. Be it a couple from my school or the ones I learnt music from. My music teachers, from whom I learnt the Carnatic and Hindustani forms of music were always a source of inspiration to me. The class sessions were interspersed with good advice, light jokes, some inspiring stories of theirs and other great people, and some cookery recipes shared even. They gladly took me under their wings and motivated me to stretch myself to my best limits. To them, I shall always remain indebted.

I always wonder if I've fulfilled my duty as a student towards my gurus. This is my inner anguish especially with regards to my Carnatic music guru. When I was a student, I was a conscientious one, always adhering to the rules and doing my homework and striving to achieve perfection in what was being imparted to me. Yet, after I've had to discontinue my musical sojourn with her, am left with a feeling of vacuum. There is a nagging feeling of letting down my teacher in some ways. Upon introspection, I realized that with the discontinuation of regular classes, I have also cut ties with music as such. I've let the lessons that were painstaking taught to me gradually be washed away in the journey to conquer social milestones of a job, then marriage and then a child. I was always inclined towards light classical music rather than the hard core classical stuff. Perhaps, that is why I couldn't sustain the interest once the strict regime was stopped. Perhaps, that is the reason for the slackness and carelessness with which I've let genuine efforts go unacknowledged and disrespected. Yet, even that cannot be used as a good excuse to pardon my deeds for I've shown my ingratitude towards the teacher, thus.

They say that your misdeeds make a home in your inner most consciousness and surface when you are vulnerable. I can vouch for this for there have a number of times when my guru has appeared in my dreams, not in any vindictive or accusing manner. Yet, I would reminisce about the dream in my wakefulness with a feeling of guilt. Is is my own conscience that it is prodding me or is it books of accounts of karma Way Up that is working, I do not know.

The best possible guru dakshina a student can give a teacher is to uphold the lessons learnt and shine on the path shown. Today is Guru Pournima, a day when students show their gratitude and love towards their teachers but all I want to ask for is forgiveness from all my teachers for any disrespect shown towards them knowingly or unknowingly. I ask them to graciously pardon me and release me from this guilt.



Is Kalki the only hope?

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Borrowed the title from the above article. I read this article a while ago and it remained with me awhile some more. While the author of the article wrote it mainly in the political context, I do ruminate on the title on a more philosophical note.

Courtesy:google.com
Looking around me, I do find insensitivity among people increasing. People like to cut the road short (pun intended) to wherever they want to reach. Take the road manners for instance. Yes, you need to have some manners while on road. People simply have no regard for the others while driving. Err..please excuse the "L-boards" , including me. They do not know what they do. Let us also leave out the cabbies and the auto-rickshaws. These categories behave as though they belong to a different planet with a separate set of rules. Actually a set of no rules. That still leaves us with a humungous section who are in neither category.

People waiting to take a right at a signal, need to wait on the extreme right lane. Simple? Not really. You wait patiently at a signal to go straight, only to get frustrated as a jerk comes from the extreme left and blocks your way. The signal turns green to move ahead but you can't, since the right signal is off and the jerk that wants to go right won't budge. You lose your chance to move and have to wait for the next round. Tell me, how fair is this? Rinse, repeat when it's your turn to take a turn left at a signal. Changing lanes without adequate warning is becoming quite the norm. Using the correct indicators well in advance for the benefit of vehicles behind you seems to a rule that is practiced only in the utopian world. Road rage is a term is that gaining popularity with such "I-don't-care" attitude.Why am I not surprised?!

Parking problems in Bangalore need no elaboration. Yet, there are wedding halls mushrooming on the road-side without adequate in-house parking arrangement. Come any wedding and the already narrow roads become narrower with parked cars of the attendees. We don't care, seems to be the attitude. And, I also hear, people park intentionally on the roads outside swanky malls to evade the measly parking charge!!! You enter a mall and your wallet is immediately lighter by a few thousands and here people want to save on the 20-30 rupees. Where's the sense??

Among other senses that are absent, civic sense tops the chart. We used to be taught moral science in schools during our days. In my opinion, civic sense needs to be taught at home when the child is in Kindergarten. Is the lesson being skipped or is it conveniently forgotten when one grows older is a million-dollar question. Adults who don't have the sense need to be pulled up and embarrassed in public (now, I don't mean stripping or things like that ;-)). But they ought to feel ashamed of littering, spitting and misusing public property.

Will levying a fine to penalize the errant ensure a better-behaved society or will it lead to a vicious cycle of fine-evasion and corruption? How can we build a sense of ownership in people so that they feel as responsible towards society as towards one's home? I really hope Kalki is not the only hope.

The pursuit

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Searching for the elusive cheer
she sets out on a travel lone
walking past a gurgling brook
that beckons her to stop and look


"Ah! am afraid, I need to go
for life is short and my wish afar"




Little birds twitter along
merry butterflies singing a song
"there's some sweet nectar just across
do care to have some when you pass"

"Ah! am afraid, I need to go
for life is short and my wish afar"

Friendly breeze and fragrant roses
cajole and tempt to stop her
but she rushes on in her pace
to find her Joy that is yonder


All at last she cares to pause
just to see whence she's come
and lo! shines the sight below
a land with beauty aglow

"oh! what a fool have I been
in hurrying past all that was my dream"




Realization dawns at last on her
that, which eluded was always there
What a pity! she'd missed the fun
in blindly seeking her destination


About R and of being a parent

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What is it with boys and cars?? R just cannot get enough of cars. Even when he was as young as one and a half yr old, he'd recognize the kind of vehicle (a car, truck, bike or auto) that would pass by below with the kind of noise they generated. The passion for cars has only grown over time and now he can recognize more than a dozen car brands along with the name of the manufacturer and the model. Though, it was me who lead him through the various models at our parking lot, the little student has gone ahead of the teacher. While I still need to look at the model label at the back for certain cars, R, seems to know it from the symbol and the shape of the car! A learning experience for me too, I'd say. 

If earlier, R spent a good deal of time watching the nursery rhymes and ABCs on the computer, now he is pouring it all out as a constant background score. The Wheel on the bus goes round and round is currently the hot favourite and my nerves are under immense pressure with the constant chime of the rhyme at all times of the day. This is besides the 'whats' and 'whys' that are thrown in for good measure.

Resisting for everything and anything has become second nature to R. Looks like it is a part and parcel of the tantrum age. From getting his teeth brushed to bathing to wearing his diaper to even getting ready for play, everything has become a matter of tug-of-war. His favourite word has shifted from "maatain" (No) to "vaendam" (No or don't want). Ask him anything and pat comes this reply. It can be fit into any phrase, any situation. It can sound completely meaningless and out of sync in certain situations. For instance, if he doesn't understand your question or doesn't want to answer, he'd just say "Vaendam". At other times, it simply becomes a chant like "amma vaendam/ appa vaendam/school vaendam/ etc etc".

He's growing up because he is no longer our baby who welcomes kisses and hugs anytime and every time. He's begun to assert himself even in this. I cannot cuddle, kiss or just hold him tight and close without his wish. He'll simply pull out of my embrace and say kisshi vaendam (no kisses) or konja vaendam (don't cuddle). Hmph!
Some amount of aggression (with us parents) is emerging too as is evident when he uses more of his hands and arms to convey his displeasure or discontent. Although he is still careful and reticent with kids outside of his "known circle", he was in particular bossy and boisterous with his cousin (my niece), when she was here. Is it a way of communication or a way to show that he considers you close enough? Either way, we are trying to deal with this behaviour.

Talking of dealing with parenting issues, one thing that bothers me is the way our (cannot generalize but I can talk for myself) parenting techniques reflect our behavioural pattern or temperament. I am a person who is innately reserved and withdraws when confronted with a more dominant or strong personality. Although now, after some conscious effort put in, I've been able to curb my innate tendencies, to be assertive and positive in my approach while dealing with people. But the inherent nature to hold myself back or to be unable to be myself in new surroundings is in some ways being trickled into R's upbringing. This happens more when I am myself at a place where the mother is a mere acquaintance and not a close friend of mine. I feel it is unfair on R and it will confuse him further on the right and wrong way of behaving. The saying, Might is right, cannot be more true for Gen Y and my heart fears for kids who are by nature a little soft and tolerant of others' misbehaviour. Our parents taught us to show restraint even when hit but to impart the same lesson to our kids seems like a crime. They also need to know that it is OK to retaliate in self-defense. And, how then to impart this education without it back-firing?

Random ramblings

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A shift from a set schedule to another one can be tough. It is like toppling the apple cart to fit in oranges and lemons and create the beautiful stack again. Yes, although the cart seems just enough for apples, the oranges and lemon have to somehow fit in too. And, one needs to be organized and skillful enough to have the cart look as neat as before. Well, if were a fruit seller, I'd have got a bigger cart instead of making my life difficult by trying to fit more into less. But of course these are just metaphorical and am only referring to the mortal me and the 24 hrs that are allotted to a single day and night cycle in our lives.

Struggling with re-organizing a house that has been recently pest-controlled, dealing with the time-shifts in my schedule due to R's school and a sudden bout of nasty cold and cough has left me with very less inclination to write when there is some time that is not ear-marked for other routine stuff. I just want to crash and zone out into dreamland. I am of course reading your posts sporadically and also try to leave a comment when I read a post. The urge in me to write even so much must mean that am really keen to maintain my presence here.

I want to do an update on R. He seems to be growing up so fast. He says some darn-est at times that leave us either stunned for words or giggling uncontrollably. When you are suffering from a dis-ease, all you can feel is life moving very fast around you while you are grappling to close your fist on the happenings. Bangalore too is weathering a bad phase, it seems. The rain Gods have turned up their noses at us Bangaloreans this year. The dark clouds loom and entice us with the hope of some respite in terms of weather and the much necessary underground water but then tease us into disappointment by disappearing to the bright blue sky a few moments later. In this, the city and I seem to be in some kind of symphony, both waiting to get into familiar conditions.


Posts out of randomness are becoming my thing now. But, of course, I seek to be excused. Writing, although a recent find in my list of hobbies, has grown to be a dear one. I haven't given my other skills as much time and love as I've to this one. To let this slip away into oblivion seems like letting a plant die after tending to it with much care and obsession. But, I attract  the infamous writer's block too very often even as I post regularly, so the upset routine has only thickened the block. So, if there is only randomness and nonsense for sometime here, do bear with me. I shall be back. In better shape and form.