Conversations with the toddler

The other day, as I picked up R from the school bus and headed back home, he asked me excitedly:

Do you know my name?

Err..yes, of course!

No...my name is T-Rex. Please call me T-Rex from now on..

!!!!

The name now varies from T-Rex, to Tiger shark, to dinosaur, to alligator, to myriad other species!

The child had a sport's day event a couple of months ago and R came home with his face and T-shirt all muddy. His mouth was smeared with remnants of chocolate too. Upon asking I came to understand that apparently the teacher had rewarded him with the chocolate because he "ran well". A little more prodding into why and how he ran and who else ran with him, he replied that he came first and the other girl who ran with him came second. The answer amused me to no end since it reminded me of this ad:

Several attempts to fish out the correct information went in vain since he kept altering the answers and I left it at that. I didn't think too much of the sports event until a couple of weeks later when the boy actually came up with a certificate for having stood first in sports day event. The event stated " getting ready for school" event. Whatever, that means. But, I am a proud mommy :-)

Talking of chocolates, until last year, R would religiously bring back all the chocolates that he'd receive at school. It is not the case any more. It was his friend's birthday the other day and I asked him if he wished his friend and got any chocolates. When asked why he didn't save any chocolate for me, pat came the reply,

"But, you'd anyway say that you don't want it, no?"

!!! 

*My dear son, at least ask me to see if I actually say that. Or, is it that you know I may not refuse and don't want to take a chance? ;-) *

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About R and of being a parent

What is it with boys and cars?? R just cannot get enough of cars. Even when he was as young as one and a half yr old, he'd recognize the kind of vehicle (a car, truck, bike or auto) that would pass by below with the kind of noise they generated. The passion for cars has only grown over time and now he can recognize more than a dozen car brands along with the name of the manufacturer and the model. Though, it was me who lead him through the various models at our parking lot, the little student has gone ahead of the teacher. While I still need to look at the model label at the back for certain cars, R, seems to know it from the symbol and the shape of the car! A learning experience for me too, I'd say. 

If earlier, R spent a good deal of time watching the nursery rhymes and ABCs on the computer, now he is pouring it all out as a constant background score. The Wheel on the bus goes round and round is currently the hot favourite and my nerves are under immense pressure with the constant chime of the rhyme at all times of the day. This is besides the 'whats' and 'whys' that are thrown in for good measure.

Resisting for everything and anything has become second nature to R. Looks like it is a part and parcel of the tantrum age. From getting his teeth brushed to bathing to wearing his diaper to even getting ready for play, everything has become a matter of tug-of-war. His favourite word has shifted from "maatain" (No) to "vaendam" (No or don't want). Ask him anything and pat comes this reply. It can be fit into any phrase, any situation. It can sound completely meaningless and out of sync in certain situations. For instance, if he doesn't understand your question or doesn't want to answer, he'd just say "Vaendam". At other times, it simply becomes a chant like "amma vaendam/ appa vaendam/school vaendam/ etc etc".

He's growing up because he is no longer our baby who welcomes kisses and hugs anytime and every time. He's begun to assert himself even in this. I cannot cuddle, kiss or just hold him tight and close without his wish. He'll simply pull out of my embrace and say kisshi vaendam (no kisses) or konja vaendam (don't cuddle). Hmph!
Some amount of aggression (with us parents) is emerging too as is evident when he uses more of his hands and arms to convey his displeasure or discontent. Although he is still careful and reticent with kids outside of his "known circle", he was in particular bossy and boisterous with his cousin (my niece), when she was here. Is it a way of communication or a way to show that he considers you close enough? Either way, we are trying to deal with this behaviour.

Talking of dealing with parenting issues, one thing that bothers me is the way our (cannot generalize but I can talk for myself) parenting techniques reflect our behavioural pattern or temperament. I am a person who is innately reserved and withdraws when confronted with a more dominant or strong personality. Although now, after some conscious effort put in, I've been able to curb my innate tendencies, to be assertive and positive in my approach while dealing with people. But the inherent nature to hold myself back or to be unable to be myself in new surroundings is in some ways being trickled into R's upbringing. This happens more when I am myself at a place where the mother is a mere acquaintance and not a close friend of mine. I feel it is unfair on R and it will confuse him further on the right and wrong way of behaving. The saying, Might is right, cannot be more true for Gen Y and my heart fears for kids who are by nature a little soft and tolerant of others' misbehaviour. Our parents taught us to show restraint even when hit but to impart the same lesson to our kids seems like a crime. They also need to know that it is OK to retaliate in self-defense. And, how then to impart this education without it back-firing?

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Sleep drama

R considers sleep as his biggest enemy. Right from birth. While babies all over the world slept for most part of the day and night, this boy would manage a total of about 11-12 hours on the whole, with the major block for the night. He never had his nights and days mixed up, so he pretty much had his clock wired like that of an adult. His naps during the day would last a whole 15 minutes.

While we have come a long way from those 'tiring and sleepless' times, R still maintains his 11-12 hour sleep schedule. Thank god for small mercies he hasn't slipped below that. He wakes up at 6.00 a.m. as soon as the alarm goes off. While I am inclined to snooze it and get some extra snuggle time, R is up and raring to go. I really long to sip my morning coffee in peace while R sleeps but this is very very rare.

I then harbour hopes on having my evening tea without R climbing all over me or without having to sip my tea in-between getting R his snacks or he climbing all over me and me gulping down the drink in haste. A lot of things has to fall in place before this happens. For starters since R is up by 6-6.30 in the morning he is usually sleepy by 10 or 10.30. If he sleeps then, then he skips his and forfeits my afternoon nap. I try to have my way and 'tell' him that amma is going to sleep and he is not going to do anything that will wake her up. I might as well say this to the walls. Toddlers do not understand such complex matters especially when it is not in their interests. This is a sample incident of what happens.

It is one such afternoon and as I slip away into a doze, I hear the tapping of the keyboard. I find the brat on the tip on his toes, hands lugging far behind at the keyboard and managing to bring it ahead with the tip of his fingers. Jubilant with success, he is furiously typing away. I jump to my feet and drag him away from the table. The keyboard is now placed farthest from the table edge as is possible and the mouse above the CPU. The CPU is incidentally elevated some notches higher from the original level by means of some old books, etc. Satisfied, I proceed to settle down to catch 40 winks. Barely have I rested my back when I realize my stupidity in leaving the chair as it is. The chair is now locked away in the other room. I then look around to check if there is anything else of importance, convinced that there is none now, I warily lie down and keep my ears open. The brat is silent and is playing with some books. I smile to myself and let my guards down. Sleep comes in a jiffy and I drift to wonderland. It could not be more than 2 minutes and I am rudely awakened by a gush of water on my face. Startled to wake up, I see R with a bottle of water all emptied - over me, himself and the bed.

If I am lucky, R gets up by 6.45 a.m. and I do not let him sleep at 10.30. We manage to push the time until 12 noon, when he takes his afternoon nap after lunch. These are the best days for I am ensured of my nap. I wait for my maid to leave, quickly finish lunch, check a few emails and settle down to catch an hour's sleep or so. I hope to wake up before R does. My coveted goal- to make and sip my evening chai before R wakes up..:-). It happens quite a few times but mostly it is this: I wake up to find R in deep slumber. I jump off the bed, dart straight to the kitchen to make myself a cuppa. I don't care about the timings, anything beyond 3 p.m. is chai time. I check about 5 times on R to find him asleep. I smile in my head and add the sugar to the tea and put it to my lips. Ammaaaaaaa...I hear a patter of little feet and find the fella right behind me with a sweet smile and I also imagine a 'caught-you' look in his eyes.

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R times

R will turn 18 months on the 26th of this month. Here's a quick update for this month:

We have to keep R constantly engaged especially while changing his diapers else he would run off. So we come up with newer things to “teach” him and ask him to repeat after us only so he has his mind off the fact that he is lying still for a few minutes of diaper-change. During one such occasion we taught him the months of the year. It would have been just a couple of times we did that but R now says them all (of course in his baby “mazhalai” language).

He can count numbers one to ten in Hindi, English and Tamil. Of the three languages, he says it the best in Tamil. The way he stresses on “anjju” and “ombanddu” always brings a smile on my face. In English he generally skips the numbers seven and eight. Hindi version needs some practice..;-)

His recitation of the Alphabets is amusing. He says A, B, C, D, F, G, H, Y, Z, “H” and “X” being phonetically similar.

He enacts these nursery rhymes while I recite it- two little hands go clap clap.., teddy bear teddy bear, twinkle twinkle, finger rhyme. He has about 70 words in his vocab list though most of it sound similar to one another and only Amma, not even Appa, can understand it.

He currently loves the act of opening and closing any bottle or container. He is trying to master the turning of the cap on to the bottle/container and this can keep him busy for at least 10-15 mins. That’s a huge amount of “me time” I can get at one go.

When asked, “Onnodu paer enna?” (What is your name?), he points to himself and says, “ichab”. He has no knowledge of colours but says geen and boo. Ask the colour of any random object and you would first get a geen for an answer. If you say that’s not right, he will say boo. He loves the water but hates the bath session.

He is still the friendly kid and just about stops short of smiling and waving at every random person. He is drawn towards other kids – all ages. He tries to reach out to them by smiling and approaching them saying paapa paapa. (Even if the kid is older than him by 4-5 years, he is paapa :-))

He has entered the tantrum throwing phase. If he is reprimanded or doesn’t get his way, he bawls, lying on the floor and howls with tears - marble-sized- in his eyes. Mostly he doesn’t get any attention for such dramatic expression and those tears magically dry up the next second.

He is also mastering the bore-a-hole-in-amma’s-head strategy. It is a strategy in which he repeats a word-could be anything from asking something to eat or pointing to a toy he has or just saying amma amma amma- until amma has abandoned all that she is doing currently to focus solely on him. This strategy is successfully employed when amma is at her busiest either cooking or writing a post. Even as I write this, R is applying this strategy and amma has to quickly draw this post to a close.

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New updates about R

It is amazing to note how each month unfolds newer aspects in your toddler. What seemed a hurdle last month for the child is now a mere activity. Every aspect of development shows a significant leap in terms of growth.

Recognizes shapes – At 17 months, R can now recognize various shapes. Although he says the relevant word for each one, only the adoring mother can make out what he means. For example:

Tarke -- circle
Pae -- square
Aeta -- rectangle
Tan -- triangle
Heart -- heart
Jing -- ring
Ova -- oval
Koob -- cube
Kone -- cone
Mand -- diamond
Taar -- star

He says moon for crescent since he associates it with the shape of the moon.

Identifies the characters of his favourite books

R can identify almost all the objects in his favourite books. He has these sparkly books that introduces animals found in a jungle, ocean and underwater in the form of a nice story. R loves to browse through these books and exclaim with joy the names of animals as he does so.


Beaky -- name of the bird
Pathy -- panther
Chimp -- chimp
Tath -- sloth
Hisss hisss -- snake
Tee -- tree
Fog -- frog
Ba-bye -- any guess?? It’s a butterfly
Hyna -- hyena
Aino -- rhino
Aff -- giraffe
Peacup -- peacock
Wae -- whale
Toto -- turtle
Tarpich -- starfish
Ow -- Owl
jeeba -- zebra

Counts one to ten and says the alphabets (with a lot of prompting, of course), also recognizes a few numbers and alphabets

Climbs up and down a flight of stairs with help

Buckles the stroller belt on his own

Stacks up to 7 blocks

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The Art Of Living

Observing R leaves me wondering where and when did we (grown ups) leave behind the art of living. It is amazing how he or in general toddlers carry on with their day. It is strictly on a day-to-day basis. They do not remember yesterday and they couldn’t care for tomorrow.

Our baggage of past eats well into our today and our today is creased with worry lines of tomorrow. We simply cannot concentrate on today and we do not remember the moments that went by.

Every moment is lived to the fullest. Even the tiniest accomplishment (it is not tiny for them of course) gives him the world of joy. No amount of failure or hurdles puts a spoke in his determination. He is relentless in his pursuit.

How come we never notice, leave alone revel in our small victories? How every step we take needs to be a success; so obsessed we are with whatever definition we have of success we fail to appreciate the little things that matter. Every obstacle we come across translates into our personal failure and a tryst with self-pity.

He goes about playing the same game over and over with no signs of boredom. In fact he sees a new way about it each time. Every day he learns something new.

How easily we tire of the routine and mundane! We have nothing new to add to the routine and the very task wears us down. And learning something new needs a lot of planning.

He laughs so easily. Even after I lose my temper at him during my moments of frustrations, he is easily cheered. No trace of any grudge. Forgiveness comes naturally. It is all forgotten the next moment.

How we struggle to smile our woes away. How minutely we keep track of our hurt moments; forgive we may but forget we don’t.

He eats only when he needs to and sleeps only as much as he needs waking up always refreshed and happy.

Do I need to say about how we go about with our eating and sleeping patterns? I do not remember the last time I woke up feeling refreshed and happy. Always wanted a few more minutes!

We are in a hurry to grow up when young and wish to go back to our childhood when older. We attend art of living courses to learn the very same foundation lessons that came so easily and naturally to us when younger. But are we even letting children live their childhood? The first brush with competition and rat race begins with the school admissions itself. What with tiny 3 and 4 year olds having to prepare for an interview! It is no less than a job interview with interviews scheduled at 3-4 schools before choosing the best one. Or is it the other the way round with the schools choosing their wards? It does not end there. At every stage the child is made to compete with the peers in academics and extra-curricular activities. A is going to skating and karate classes why should B be left behind. In all this, somewhere important lessons are missed and then we wonder years down the line on some blog like this.

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What is new with R?

Have I mentioned how much R loves books? We try to equip his mini-library with a variety of books as and when we can. We hardly buy him any toys. Most of the toys he owns are gifts. We, mother and son duo, spend quite some time every day reading his books.

Some conversations between Amma and R

Amma: One,…
R: tu, ti, o, ai, chikch, ett, nine, ten
Amma: A,..
R : Bee, chee, eff, aech, ai,..

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Hubby is teaching R numbers in tamil. So, here is R’s attempt at it:

Onni, enni, muni, nani, aani, ….the rest upto number nine is met with silence. As soon as you say ombodu…

R: pattiii….(with a triumphant look)

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Amma: Plane eppidi pogum? (how does the plane go)
R: da-da-da (he says paeim for plane)
Amma: car eppidi pogum?
R: da-da-da
Amma: Bike/auto (any other vehicle) epidi pogum?
R: da-da-da

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Amma: One, two, buckle my…
R: choo
Amma: Three, four shut the…
R: ore
Amma: five, six, pick up the…
R: chikch
Amma: Seven, eight, lay them…
R: chae
Amma: nine, ten, a big fat…
R: hennn…koyda (claps his hands in glee if I do not do so, self-praise already!)

Btw, koyda is his way of saying kozhi which means hen in tamil

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Reading a book about sea animals

Amma: (pointing to a fish) idu ennadu? (what is this?)
R: pich (with a broad smile for Amma to appreciate and acknowledge)

Amma claps promptly

Amma: (pointing to a star fish) idu?
R: tar pich (applause by amma)
Amma: how many whales?
R: tu, tee..
Amma: how many fish?
R: tu, tee..

Amma claps nevertheless.

Now R is motivated and brings in more books to show off his knowledge to Amma

R points to a crab and says caab

Picks up random books, points to random things

Taamu (it’s a tomato), naano (it’s a rhino), afff ( Giraffe), kaamu (camel), Kaat (cat),

Ba-boo (dog), kai (car), nana (trying to say yaanai/elephant), goat (he means boat too when he sees one, just doesn’t understand the syllable difference),

Tick-taaf (clock-it goes tick-tick, right. Hence the name derivation)

Amma has no other business but to nod in silence and make appropriate appreciative gestures.

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I am yet to find a kid that is not fascinated with the cell-phone or any other electronic gadget. But somehow, the mobile takes the cake. R is no exception when it comes to this little wonder piece. He throws a tantrum to lay his hands on it. We do not usually give in to his tantrums, so it is on very rare occasions that he gets to fool around with our mobile phones. When he does manage to steal it, he holds it near his ear and says:

Aaoo,…Paati, tatha, and then rambles on some gibberish which is generally a string of words he has learnt so far.

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I am trying to put into R some discipline. Ha! What a joke! Toddlers and discipline rarely go together. I know *sigh*. But I can try, right?

He has taken fancy to switching on and off the fan and light switches as well as the T.V and computer. I am not much of a T.V. person but it is really annoying to have a toddler black out the screen with sadistic glee. No amount of cajoling, threat or at time a whack has any sort of effect. Makes you feel non-existent, grrrrrrr. And the comp, well, it just cannot be left unguarded even for a moment. Else, it goes pop! Even the best UPS will not be able to save the system from a constant boot and re-boot.

One thing that makes me beam with pride is when he hands over his milk bottle to me after finishing it off, no matter where I am. He diligently looks for me around the house and hands me over his empty bottle. Hmm, some solace there.

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More wonder and a proud mom

My little wonder can associate things so well at so young an age! He has about 20 words in his vocabulary list which, I learnt, is a little advanced for his age. He really attempts, and manages, to communicate in two-word phrases. When people say, ahem…, he is quite fast for a boy at this age, my heart swells to the size of a football. I know its’ too early to know but R does put two and two together many times to pleasantly surprise me. For example, I do read out a lot of board books-shapes, stories, vegetables, animals and the like. The other day he picked up a toy and said “ova”. Yes, it was an oval-shaped teether. Now, that he points to any other shape and says “ova” is a completely different story :-). But he did get it right the first time. He can “identify” many of the pictures when asked and also flip through the pages “pretending” to read. He can build a three to four block stack.

I generally do a video chat with my mom in the afternoons. Yesterday, as I switched on the p.c. for the session, R said “paat” (for paati-grandma). This was the first time he said the word. He sometimes walks about with his hands tied behind like adults. Now neither I nor my hubby has this habit.

His mischief-making skills are also getting honed by the day. Each day, a new antic. Since he is adept at climbing now, he tries his to apply his skill to every furniture above ground level. His new game is climbing onto our double-bed cot, head towards the switchboard and play around with the switches. He is constantly on his toes-I mean literally. Every item within (or without) his reach needs to be pushed to the farthest corner on the kitchen platform, utility racks, tables, etc. The house has been cleared of all the decorative pots ever since he began to move and has been rearranged multiple times since then in accordance with his mobility advancement. Speaking of activities, one thing he never tires of is opening the kitchen drawers and littering the entire house with spoons, vessels, mixer fittings, ya..you get it.

His peers are not quite doing the stuff he is doing. Again, I must add a disclaimer that I haven’t really met many kids (boys) around his age. I am just going by the comments I get and my general observation. I am not sure if my boy is showing some signs of being out of the ordinary and I cannot care less if he is just like any other child. I say this because, firstly, I know the pressure a child faces today to steer ahead of others in the rat race, to which I do not wish to accentuate. Secondly, such skills do average out as the kids grow older. So in a way, these early flashes of brilliance may mean nothing down the road. I only want him to have a normal and happy childhood. But that does not stop me from being a proud mom for now.

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More about R..

R turns 15 months old next week. I have tried to enlist all the skills he has mastered and the ones he has newly acquired.

1. Walk and run almost to a perfection. The occasional stumbles are there alright but he does not make a show of it. That’s my brave son for you.

2. Speak a few words. His vocabulary list goes thus:
• amma, apppa (a little stress on the “p”). He mostly says it to the appropriate person but at times, gets it mixed up..:-)
• ca (for car or anything that goes on wheels)
• ba (for ball),
• bowwow (for anything that goes on four legs),
• bye, hi,
• bike (though it sounds like bye)
• jhua (for jhula, the baby swing that adorns our living room),
• Kozhi (hen in tamil) of course he cannot pronounce the “zh” part just yet. So it’s just koii or mostly koya for now. Somehow he insists on saying koya. Well’s that the beauty of toddler language, isn’t it?
• Auto (R loves saying aaa..to)
• Aachu (“over” in tamil) and but of course
• Mammu (the universal baby talk for food)

3. Point out to the parts of the body. (Ears, nose, toes, tummy, head and mouth). Somehow I cannot make him point to where his eyes are. He cannot or does not want to.

4. Blow a flying kiss, shake hands and give a high-five, clap hands (these he could do even as a 10 month old; blowing flying kiss is the recent addition).

5. Kick the ball like a football.

R seems to understand more than that is apparent. He would give a well-meaning smile when we are discussing him between us (hubby and I). He gives me a naughty smile when he does something he knows I do not approve of. He loves books. We have got him a few hard-bound educational books and he never tires of asking us to read it out to him. Hmm…we do get tired at times. But since it is a good practice that I hope is sustained even as he grows older, I keep at it. The other thing he is fascinated, no obsessed, about is cars. Any faint noise that comes close to that of a vehicle passing by below (horn, reverse horn all alike) gets an enthusiastic “caaaaa” from R. Ditto when the “Tata Aria” car advertisement is aired; even if he is not in front of the T.V. (he knows it from the background score). He loves the BBC world background music. Even the most engrossing task (read mischief) comes to a halt when he hears this music piece.

The other day, he pleasantly surprised me by bowing down to a Saibaba photo-frame that is not kept in the usual “pooja ghar”. Also, when I once did not approve of something he did and gave him a long stare, he smiled indulgently, shook his fingers and said “no-no”.

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