5 aspects of my life that top the gratitude chart in 2016

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December seems to be vanishing into thin air just the way I had imagined. I can already visualize 2017 hiding around the block ready to jump out and startle me. Year-ends make me nervous and excited at the same time. I wait with child-like enthusiasm for the New Year to begin but there's also an unmistakable feeling of anxiousness, like butterflies in the stomach. On the one hand, it's a fresh slate, a chance to start anew. On the other hand, I'm apprehensive about any new challenges that may be in store for me.

Perhaps, it's the sign of the Universe that asks us to be in the moment and leave our baggage behind as we surge ahead.

As I look back on 2016, my heart is filled with gratitude towards the five major aspects of my life that bring me so much joy. And, today seems to be an opportune day to write that gratitude list because today I complete 6 years of blogging. It seems rather strange (but true) that I've hardly celebrated this day on my blog despite this space holding a special place in my life.

It makes sense to start my gratitude list with this aspect of my life.

1. Blogging and BAR: I've come a long way from my first tentative post on this space on the 24th of December 2010. Since then, my relationship with blogging has seen a lot of ups, downs, and long periods of inactivity but somehow we have survived it all.

Blogging largely thrives on self-motivation and discipline but it also needs external impetus from time to time. While I struggled with the former, Bar-A-Thon in August this year provided the much need external push and with that, I seemed to regain my passion for blogging. That's when I decided to put a stamp of seriousness by purchasing a custom domain for the blog. A formal space for myself in the wide world of the web is a motivation for me to blog more and write better.

That brings to the second aspect, the BAR. Before you let your imagination run wild and think of me as an alcoholic thanking my vital dose of inspiration, let me tell you this is a blogging group (although this can be fairly addictive too) I'm talking about. I re-joined BAR (Blog-a-Rhythm), a vibrant group of bloggers on Facebook after the Bar-a-thon in August this year. I was a part of the group earlier too but opted out of it because I wasn't blogging regularly at that point of time. There's a right time for everything in life. I've begun to believe in this adage more and more as I started to fit myself into a blogging/writing groove this year.

So, why a group and why BAR?

A blogging group can be an effective catalyst for a blogger's growth and success. As writers, it might suffice that we write to satisfy our passion but as bloggers, we love an audience.If you have been in the blogging space for a while, you would know that building a healthy readership takes a while but with the right network, one can really speed up the process.

Also, the life of writers/bloggers can get lonely at times and like in any other creative field,  is fraught with self-doubts, anxieties, and performance lows. We too need people who can step up and say, "hey, you know what? It's normal to feel like this. You'll be OK and we're here for you." And, while these words can come from people who are not writers, it makes a world of difference when it's your tribe that roots for you because that also makes you feel accepted and included in the league.

BAR provides this and much more. It has a great mix of experienced and new writers who are excellent in their craft. The camaraderie we share is infectious and a lot of fun too. It's heartwarming to see the experienced ones readily extend their support to others. There's a wealth of knowledge shared both in terms of technical as well as blogging skills.

2. Work: I have held part-time writing jobs ever since R began playschool. I can safely attribute my work opportunities to having a blog. My first ever stint in web content writing and then later technical writing is all thanks to Aparna who was confident that I'd deliver the goods.

While I was content and happy to be putting my time to good use and also earn a little (quite literally) money, I was thrilled when, towards the end of February this year, Shailaja called me to discuss the position of a writer with a popular parenting website where she's the editor.

The work I do here is close to my heart and I love the work culture. We are a lean but passionate and energetic team. Each one of us strives to learn and contribute towards a collective goal. Indeed, I feel thankful to be a part of a set-up that gives me a creative free hand while gently nudging me to do better than my previous best.

3. Family: Every phone call with my Amma and sister ends on a wistful note of how much nicer it would have been if I were living closer to them! While there isn't much I can do about the geographical distance, I'm grateful for the fact that they are just a phone call and a flight's distance away. I'll always cherish the moments we spend together each year. I also ring in the New Year with my family in a spiritual manner each year since the past few years and I'm grateful to be able to continue the tradition so far.

This year was special as R stayed away from us for the first time and chose to spend some extra quality time with my parents and sister. He and S always got along well and it's heartwarming to see the sibling bond grow thicker and sweeter with each passing year.

I'm thankful to be married into a family who gives me a lot of space, freedom, love and takes pride in my achievements. I've to mention how the husband is the rock pillar in my life. He believes in my abilities perhaps more than I do myself. It's encouraging to have someone who doesn't tire of repeating his five-point mantra. Even as I pause and hesitate at every point, he pushes me gently ahead and reinforces my own confidence. For every doubt in my mind (and, there are always many) about whether I should take the step forward, I only have to look in his direction and the doubts are dismissed with a wave of the hand. With such a person by my side, I know that I must give myself a chance and persevere no matter what the outcome might be.

4. My readers: While 6 years is a long time to be in the blogging community, I have been slow to build a steady and strong readership base for my blog. I partly attribute it to my own nature that inhibits me from networking and publicizing this space as much I should be. Secondly, the blog world was a more private space when I began, so I'm still coming to terms with the current trend and hope to adapt myself better with time. Having said that, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that so many people from my circle read my blog.

I recently nominated myself for the Orange Flower Awards initiated by Women's Web. The final nominees and winners for the various categories are to be partly decided by a set of esteemed jury members and partly through popular voting. I announced my nominations and called out to my readers on my Facebook page to vote for me tentatively without any expectation. It was then I realized how much I had undermined my own writing and this space. I was overwhelmed with the number of friends, family, and even distant acquaintances who reached out to say that they read my blog and voted for me. Some even went as far as trying multiple times to vote since the voting site underwent technical glitches and couldn't register their votes.

I extend my warm and humble thanks to each one of you. You perhaps silently follow my blog but you all mean a whole lot to me because I know whatever I write holds more meaning now.

5. A social community: However much I spend time online, I need my offline social engagement too. The apartment where I stay is a fairly new one and it has taken a while for all of us to mingle and come together as a single unit. This year was particularly a memorable one as we celebrated every festival with gusto and enthusiasm. As someone who takes a while to make new friends, I was glad to find like-minded company. Together, we let our hair down during the various celebrations. These are memorable memories for me.

*****

It's been a pleasure to fill out this post of gratitude and I hope the New Year ushers in peace and happiness for all of us.

And, if you've been reading this far, a big thank you! See you all in 2017.

*****

Linking this to Vidya's Gratitude Circle bloghop for December 2016

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Hi Five

R turns five today, a big-boy milestone. He's been forever waiting for the day to dawn when he'd turn five. I thought it was due to his friend's influence but learned from the baby center updates that kids generally get excited about their birthdays around this time, so he's bang on with that milestone:-p A lot of promises have been made by the little-big fella; things that he'd do once he becomes a beeg boy, more so in a rush if I may add, including sleeping in his own bed, in his room. Ha! If anything, he's asking to sleep next to "amma only" in the recent times, something he never insisted on before!To be fair, we've also tried to milk the occasion by referring to the five-year landmark to get things done :-p

We didn't plan for a big bash this year despite the kid's excitement levels. Firstly, I was not sure I wanted a party in the house, given that our club-house isn't ready yet, and secondly, he hasn't really bonded with any other kid in our complex which makes it tricky to send out invitations. I didn't want to have kids over only because I know their mothers. Anyway, whether I over-thought the situation or found a safe escape route, this year too it's going be just his best friend who'll be coming over with his parents, the happy coincidence being that they happen to be our close family friends. So, really a win-win situation!

I asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he said he wanted balloons, cake and have everyone invited. The 'everyone' bit caused a temporary panic attack with some guilt creeping up my neck. For a moment I wondered if it would be possible to churn out a conventional party in such a short notice. As usual my mind ended up working overtime in vain for it turned out that by 'everyone' he meant his grandparents. 

I always worried that my boy had this detached outlook towards relationships that fell outside of the realm of our family nucleus, which includes us, his parents. He'd connect and bond with the extended family, no doubt, but he'd never display any longing for them once they were out of sight or even refer to them. However, I saw a marked change in him this time when my parents visited. Not only did he bond better but he was vocal about his feelings for them and insisted that they stay back until his birthday. While I was relieved to discover my misplaced worry (yes, that includes not having to throw a party), I felt a tug at my heartstrings to have his desire go unmet.

R talks nineteen to the dozen and sometimes I just want to shut my ears to all the 'see this plane, it goes so fast' to 'I'm a whale/dinosaur/ am so strong'. Yes, there is no end to all the cars, planes and animal talk. Some additions to his vocabulary are "blood, death and bomb blast!" Gory and scary as they sound, I was startled when it all began but as I compared notes with other mothers, I learned that such talk is quite normal in a household with kids, especially boys. Eeks!

I've failed to record the many funny and not-so-funny conversations that happen in our household but this one stuck with me:

As it goes, R is very fascinated with age and the numbers associated with it.

R: How old are you?

Amma: 3x

R *looking incredulous*: And, Appa??

Amma: 3x + y

R: oh my! That old? That means you'll die!

Sigh! Yes, my child, we all have to die someday. Maybe you'll learn to speak more sensitively about this. On second thoughts, what the hell, it's better to be so blasé and practical about it!

Wish you a great birthday, dearest R. May God bestow you with all the goodness in the world. Amma and Appa love you loads.

****

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Four

frolicking years have gone by since you came in our lives dear R. When I look back at the years, the difficult parts do not seem to come to my mind at all. Instead, I can only think of how much sunshine you bring into our lives. It is so much easy to live life through your eyes. You are really an easy-going kid (touchwood!).

While you do have your bad days, temper tantrums, and unacceptable behaviour, you are mostly well-behaved, if I can say that. Having said that, I also notice that these days you are offended easily when reprimanded or chastised for bad behaviour. There is a perceptible rise in the mercury levels almost instantly but thankfully also dissipates as quickly. Just hope this is a phase and you don't inherit the short fuse trait from me. The house won't be able to handle so many frequent short circuits ;-) 

On the physical level, you are still the energetic lad, always on the go, though you've mellowed from earlier.  You are able to play independently and even in the playground don't make me run too much after you. Which is showing in some extra flab that I'm carrying nowadays ;-) And, you are not about to give up your mischievous ways, yet!

I'm not sure at what age kids start comparing themselves or their material possessions with their peers but definitely this trait so far is, to a large extent, dormant in you, R. You are quite happy with what you have and rarely 'ask' for something that your friend has. For instance, there have been numerous occasions when your friends flaunt a new fancy watch, shoes or toy. You are happy to play with their new possession but never come home and say, "look he has that, can I get one too?" And, on the rare occasions that have been exceptions to this you have quite readily accepted our explanations to why you may or may not have what you want.

You communicate extremely well in English and Tamil. Hindi is currently your nemesis. It's really comical to hear you put together some words as conversation. I can see the look of being left out when your friends at the complex belt out complex sentences. But, thanks to your resilient and positive nature, there is no sulking I've to deal with. I'm trying my best to introduce you to Hindi. Now you know why I insist on reading out to you the bilingual books that I picked up recently?!

Talking of books, I wonder if it is a gender thing but I'm unable to get you interested in folk stories, mythology or in general concepts that deal with humans, emotions, relationships, etc. While you don't resist, there is a distant look in your eyes that seem to say you don't really enjoy or understand. I can't say it is to do with your acumen in general for anything that is to do with the animal kingdom or vehicles or the inanimate is immediately registered in your little head and you can perfectly rattle out facts after a single reading session. Well, rest assured, your mother has only bought more books in the genre. Yes, I don't give up! :-)

R, you're a fine child and my wish for today is that you grow up to be a sensible and sensitive person. I'm trying and will always seek to bring you up in the most gender neutral manner and hope that you develop a healthy attitude towards life and fellow beings. Be good, always, my child. Amma and appa will love you always.

Happy Birthday!!!

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Son, you might want to know...

..that though I am not be recording this space about you very often, it doesn't mean a thing.

Your growth, development and milestones have become so much a part of our lives that I need to really sit down and think of how far you've come and what are the new feathers that don your cap. My frenzy ritual of checking with Babycentre updates every month slowed down soon after your first birthday and is gradually coming to a slow halt as I am no longer worried about how ahead or behind you are of your peers. Every new thing you learn, say or do is noticed and enveloped in our lives as a matter-of-fact but nevertheless consciously noted and cherished.

You love going to school everyday. Since we know this for a fact, we take the liberty to tease and test you often by saying, "oh! lets not send you to school today" only to hear the unfailing retort, "don't say that. I want to go to school". You probably do not realize the silly wave of pride that swells up in our heart. I hope and pray that the love to learn newer stuff never diminishes and the institutions you might attend at every stage of education continue to fuel the desire and provide sufficient and healthy nourishment to the mind and body.

While you still drive me nuts with your hyper-active nature, you are by far a reasonable and understanding child. You are easy with any change in the routine or schedule and adapt quite well to situations. I have realized that a time-out works as a power mantra to counter any tantrum or wrong behaviour (at least for now). Although you are getting smarter by the day, it is still relatively easy to distract or fool you into doing what I want you to do. Well, am going to enjoy this for as long as it lasts for I also know that it won't last very long. The question phase that was limited to hows and whats has (to my discomfort) extended to whys. Anything and everything is punctuated with a why. Only I know how ridiculous they sound!

You are learning the art of manipulation. Rather quite fast. When you are upset with either me or your father, you instinctively know how to deflate our respective egos and run to the other adult to garner support/empathy. That, your father and I are almost always on the same side when it comes to parenting rules quite simply defeats your strategy. But, you will learn that later. For now, this is cute.

A piece of conversation your father and I love to carry out with you:
Us: "R, do you love Amma more or Appa more?" or "R, do you want Appa or Amma?"
You: Amma, Appa, Ishabh! :-)
A true diplomat in the making???

Cars and other vehicles still remain your favourites. Your knowledge repository of car models is growing, with the newest addition being Dissan. No, that's not a typo. You pronounce it so..:-)

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About R and of being a parent

What is it with boys and cars?? R just cannot get enough of cars. Even when he was as young as one and a half yr old, he'd recognize the kind of vehicle (a car, truck, bike or auto) that would pass by below with the kind of noise they generated. The passion for cars has only grown over time and now he can recognize more than a dozen car brands along with the name of the manufacturer and the model. Though, it was me who lead him through the various models at our parking lot, the little student has gone ahead of the teacher. While I still need to look at the model label at the back for certain cars, R, seems to know it from the symbol and the shape of the car! A learning experience for me too, I'd say. 

If earlier, R spent a good deal of time watching the nursery rhymes and ABCs on the computer, now he is pouring it all out as a constant background score. The Wheel on the bus goes round and round is currently the hot favourite and my nerves are under immense pressure with the constant chime of the rhyme at all times of the day. This is besides the 'whats' and 'whys' that are thrown in for good measure.

Resisting for everything and anything has become second nature to R. Looks like it is a part and parcel of the tantrum age. From getting his teeth brushed to bathing to wearing his diaper to even getting ready for play, everything has become a matter of tug-of-war. His favourite word has shifted from "maatain" (No) to "vaendam" (No or don't want). Ask him anything and pat comes this reply. It can be fit into any phrase, any situation. It can sound completely meaningless and out of sync in certain situations. For instance, if he doesn't understand your question or doesn't want to answer, he'd just say "Vaendam". At other times, it simply becomes a chant like "amma vaendam/ appa vaendam/school vaendam/ etc etc".

He's growing up because he is no longer our baby who welcomes kisses and hugs anytime and every time. He's begun to assert himself even in this. I cannot cuddle, kiss or just hold him tight and close without his wish. He'll simply pull out of my embrace and say kisshi vaendam (no kisses) or konja vaendam (don't cuddle). Hmph!
Some amount of aggression (with us parents) is emerging too as is evident when he uses more of his hands and arms to convey his displeasure or discontent. Although he is still careful and reticent with kids outside of his "known circle", he was in particular bossy and boisterous with his cousin (my niece), when she was here. Is it a way of communication or a way to show that he considers you close enough? Either way, we are trying to deal with this behaviour.

Talking of dealing with parenting issues, one thing that bothers me is the way our (cannot generalize but I can talk for myself) parenting techniques reflect our behavioural pattern or temperament. I am a person who is innately reserved and withdraws when confronted with a more dominant or strong personality. Although now, after some conscious effort put in, I've been able to curb my innate tendencies, to be assertive and positive in my approach while dealing with people. But the inherent nature to hold myself back or to be unable to be myself in new surroundings is in some ways being trickled into R's upbringing. This happens more when I am myself at a place where the mother is a mere acquaintance and not a close friend of mine. I feel it is unfair on R and it will confuse him further on the right and wrong way of behaving. The saying, Might is right, cannot be more true for Gen Y and my heart fears for kids who are by nature a little soft and tolerant of others' misbehaviour. Our parents taught us to show restraint even when hit but to impart the same lesson to our kids seems like a crime. They also need to know that it is OK to retaliate in self-defense. And, how then to impart this education without it back-firing?

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Of new beginnings and some updates

Howdy people!
Its been a while since I updated this space. I was caught up with a lot of things and hardly found the time or energy to write something. Hope, I was missed :-)

First things first, R has started Montessori since last week and he has taken to the place like a fish to water. I had expected some protest from his end and had braced myself accordingly but it seems he has not inherited my genes in this matter. He went in with the teacher on the first day without as much as a backward glance at me! Whereas, I, his mother, used to cry buckets at the mention of school even in class one and two. Sheesh! Don't tell him this, OK? It is tough for any parent to wait outside listening to the apple of their eyes wailing helplessly. Passing even half an hour might seem like a mountain to move. I am just grateful that the journey has been easier for me so far. To the extent that on the second day itself his teacher handed over to me an activity sheet that he worked on (random crayon artwork by the little master along with a few legible, clear sketches by the teacher ) that had a couple of smiley stickers from the teacher as a mark of encouragement. He was kept back for an hour from the second day on itself. Touchwood!

I am driving R to and back from school. I don't exactly enjoy it, I tell you. While going, it is the peak rush hour and am juggling (poorly) with the mad traffic and the near constant driving instructions/advice/reproaches from the hubby who accompanies me. The return journey is relatively easier as the traffic decreases to a considerable extent, and he somehow, trusts me to handle it on my own. Of course, trust or no trust, there is no choice- both for him and me. Driving for me is just a necessary life-skill and not an enjoyable experience, yet. Since I haven't been driving regularly, am still rusty and get panic attacks, so all this driving seems much like an ordeal. But the husband is determined to polish off the dust and he is not taking any excuses from me! :-0 My other grouse is that I have to wait out the entire one hour that R spends at school, outside the school waiting for him since the duration is too short for me to get back home and to school in time to pick him up. The prime time when I generally feast on blogs is gone thus. The school will increase the timings to the full duration only gradually.

Anyone who wanted to understand Murphy's law, just had to be at my residence last fortnight. Unfortunately, it was my own folks who were at my place then. From major water crises to intrusions from pests in the house to a leaking tap due to negligence, and even a Bharat Bandh, all that could have gone wrong had aligned themselves to make an (im)perfect setting! Even our car was away for an unexpectedly long duration at the service station during this time. Bad karma is all I can say! Although we survived the odds, I couldn't help cursing the sense of timing of the outside forces. The silver lining was of course the kid's world where such mishaps do not derail life and happiness. The niece and R had a whale of a time and it was a treat to see them have such undiluted and pure pleasure from just being with one another, living and enjoying in the moment.

On a  happier note, I finally met up with my oldest blog pals- Aparna (Adventures in Mommyland) and Aparna (Life as a mom)! The former had an official meeting at Bangalore, so the three of us grabbed this opportunity and met up for lunch at the 100ft Boutique restaurant sans our kids. As expected we had loads to talk and catch up on. Time was a constraint due to other personal commitments and we were loath to end the wonderful conversation combined with some lovely food. Looking forward to more such meets in future!

So, that's what has kept me busy. Will catch up soon on reading and commenting on your blogs too.

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A milestone and a cross-out

My first cross-out from the 2012 agenda has been done. A major one at that too. Any guess? Yes, my lil'one is now potty trained. It is almost a month now that he has achieved this milestone. The su-su part is still playing hide and seek but we are getting there too. Slowly but steadily.

For all the heart-ache I had over crossing this hurdle, it really seemed like a dream where R learned to use the potty within one week of us initiating the practice. I had backed off twice earlier, when he first just refused to even sit on it and later when I spotted his trouble of going the western way. We started off quite skeptically this time; the hubby too got involved (perhaps with greater interest than enthusiasm than me). However, we saw that R was far more willing. He didn't jump off the seat, even if the session didn't end up, err..fruitfully, if I can say that. On the fourth or fifth day, he did it successfully. I didn't jump too much. I thought it was a fluke and should not celebrate prematurely. But, he did again on the next day and continued to every single time and day for a week. He even started to warn us before susu happened! We were overjoyed to taste overnight success. Our boy was almost toilet-trained. But, like an evil-eye cast by our own joy, R stopped giving us su-su warnings just as suddenly as he began. Thankfully the potty thing was still on so we decided to count our blessings and be a little patient for the rest of the battle.

I admit it was frustrating to concede to the fact that it might take R a while to get a hang of the whole thing considering the fact that he HAD actually got it right for one whole week. Every time I was confounded by despair, I would cheer myself with the fact that R is trained for potty and that is not to say the least. It is a huge achievement in itself and no mean feat. I had to give the boy credit and applaud him for every time he used the potty for su-su too. This strategy did and still is working in bits and pieces. R is getting there slowly. Although I cannot guess the 'when' part because there are days when he gets it right 7 times on 10 and some days its 3 on 10 and yet on other days, none at all. So, my expectation graph more or less resembles the mountains we used to draw on paper as tiny tots. But, I am now relaxed with the routine and do not get over-worked if he doesn't get it 4 times out of 10. He is getting it right 6 times is well enough and we will eventually get it right all 10 times.

This book helped create a headway

And, I here by award R this certificate

So, yay for us!!!

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It's a century!

I have hit a century! Yes, this is my 100th post. Like the batsman who is eager to get to this figure as soon as he begins his nineties, so was I while arriving at this magic number. But like the batsman, I too was reeling under the " 90s syndrome" and every post was taking its own sweet time.

So, what's the deal now that I HAVE arrived here? Nothing folks, just a happy smile on my face and a wish that my passion carries a little further, my writing gets more inspired, my interest continues unabated and of course, that I win more readers. A hope to reach out to more and encourage my silent readers to share their thoughts with me.

As I pondered over what my topic for the milestone post should be, I found myself wanting to go back to some my previous posts and capture the journey so far. I thought, why not share this journey with all of you? For those of you who have been with me from the beginning, I ask you to accompany me in my journey to revisit the past and for those of you who joined me much later, I invite you to join me and add more colour to my space.

Thought-provoking ones

The choice to be:  A post that is close to my heart and written in the initial days of starting this blog.

The Art Of Living:  Some reflection on our lives based on some observations of the life of a toddler

Housework for man: this post got picked up by Blogadda

Some advice for young girls: my two-cents on some to-do things before and after marriage

Pay cut: A good maid is hard to come by. Are we then ready to go a extra mile to keep a good one?

I am tempted to post more, but I'll leave it you to decide whether you want to dig more :-)

Just for laughs

Wife-y and motherly blues: This was written was R was quite young. The scenario is still fresh in my mind and makes me smile (now).

Cooking it up: A post of my cooking abilities or the lack of it.

Lighted out!: Where I messed up big time and cut a sorry figure

Then..and..now: If you believe in the law of karma, this is for you.

As you like it: I'm sure most mothers of toddlers would relate to this.


Poetry: err..umm..am not sure if what is here can be termed as poetry but I still like to showcase it (incorrigible, I know)

Conflict

Thoughts from the heart

Because

(You can click on the tab on the main page too, if you think you can handle more of this.:-))

Before, I start linking my entire blog here, I better take your leave :-) Have a great week ahead..

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