To a boy who turned seven

Dear R,

The days stretch on but the years fly past. This is what comes to my mind when I see you, my little boy, who's not so little anymore. You turned seven last month. In so many ways, you are growing to be an independent person and need me less and less. When and how did the baby and toddler I knew morph into this mini-adult who talks nineteen to the dozen and is already a treasure trove of trivia?

"Amma, please don't do it for me. I can do it by myself"  

I get to hear this all the time. And, the pride on your face is unmistakable, to know that you are capable of doing all that I would do for you until not very long ago. Yes, this also means you get to hear a lot of follow-up questions like, "did you clean your ear lobes, or did you flush and remember to wash your hands?" and a whole set of sundry instructions such as to use the stairs while going down to play and to come back at a particular time. Talking of time, you now know to read the clock but you have no sense of how the time is running out before we have to push you out of the doors for school because you take your own sweet time to get started.

You like to roleplay and often pretend to be on stage, performing an act, perhaps a magic show or a pilot addressing your passengers. Be it recitation or narration, you do it with passion. I realize you love to be in command. Yet, you more or less tend to follow your friends at playtime and get overpowered by them. It makes me sad to hear how you get bullied at times but I know you'll learn, in time, how to assess your friends and to assert yourself.

Even though you are our flesh and blood, you are different from us: more vocal, confident and sure of your choices. It could be the exposure and the generation gap. You are doing well at school and are amongst the popular kids too. Your teachers tell me how you love to fill in for a free period by telling the class stories you picked up by reading or even just randomly. Would I think of you as a show-off? Perhaps, not but I can say you're not shy about showing what you know. Understand that that can be a great trait if laced with empathy.

Which strangely brings me to my pet peeve (or one of the few?) about you. Your favourite word these days is "I know". And, that puts me off many a time. It seems as though you cannot accept or are afraid of accepting that you don't know. I want you to know that it's OK to not know at all times and the worst habit one could develop is a defiance to learning and remaining smug with half-baked knowledge.

While you like to chatter away without restraint, you can be perfectly silent and on your own too. While, in the past, the silence would invariably mean mischief, it now usually means you have slunk away with my phone to watch origami videos or are reading a book. Oh, well, I'm not really complaining here.

I had read about how the sevens can be the best phase of parenting and I'm inclined to agree. It feels wonderful to hold meaningful conversations (mostly) with you and have you notice something new about my dress or cooking. You still enjoy and allow me to cuddle and smother you with kisses and I'm savouring these because I know the time is not too far when you will resist. I love our bedtime ritual for that's when you become my baby again. Amidst admonishes to settle down and lullabies, we snuggle and whisper secrets. In that angelic moment, before you drift asleep, I find that vulnerable child I want to crush under my insurmountable love.

I often wonder how do I bracket myself as a parent, a mother. I do not gush about motherhood, nor am I the fun parent likes to do a craft activity or play with you in the playground. I'm often rule-oriented and perhaps restrict more than I indulge. Yet, I want you to know that I enjoy my time with you in my own way as I've always since your birth. I do hope when you look back at these days from your childhood, you find memories to smile about.

- Your loving Amma

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R-tistic expressions

R is creative in many ways. He can spend hours doodling, drawing cars, whales, planets and rockets and colouring them. The figures may not exactly resemble what he says they represent yet the detailing is unmistakable and also laudable for his age. When he was around 3-4 years of age, he hardly exhibited any interest in drawing or colouring. In fact he began to recognize solid colours only by 3 years of age by which time I started to have serious doubts of whether he was colour blind! Then and now; what a change of nature! He loves to colour now and if I were not exasperated to find tiny bits of crayons tucked into cushion crevices, strewn bits of paper cut into various shapes and duly painted and streaks of various hues on my bedspread, I'd have my camera perpetually hung around my neck to capture the creations!

The guy is also not a stickler for conventions. A whale is anything but blue in his book. No creation ever is painted in one single hue. And, that makes it quite attractive. At least to the parents' eyes :-)

Speaking of conventions, it amuses me to observe how freely he works and thinks. I guess most kids are before they get leashed into the set conventions and moulds. Sigh! But, I digress. My mother gifted him a Casio this time that also came with a very cute microphone. I caught R one day, singing (rather screaming some notes) into the microphone and playing random notes simultaneously, a la professional composer on stage. Not sure if he was emulating something he saw on the TV because he is hardly exposed to such stuff on the television.

R loves to make up his own stories and rhymes that are set to tune to the standard ones. It may seem completely nonsensical if you choose to search for logic but it is definitely inspiring to note how he puts together the day's happenings or something he fancies as lyrics into the meter and make it seem like a rhyme or for that matter a story. It's too early to say if there's a hidden talent in there but I am chuffed with the fact that he's inclined towards creating something of his own. I hope I, as a parent, am able to fan this creative streak or at the least don't do anything stupid to thwart it.

Finally, this happened yesterday and I was touched and proud at the same time. R was running low-grade fever over the weekend and he was worried that he'd miss school today as there was a class photo scheduled. I told him that if he remained fever-free for the night, I'd send him to school. His face fell and cried out, "but I don't want fever!". My heart melted, "Of course, even I don't want you to get fever but we can't help certain things although we can hope and pray" said I. After a while, as I went about my work I found him with a small paper filled with stars drawn by him and he placed it reverentially at the feet of my Pooja Ghar, joined his hands and prayed that God keep the fever away so that he could go to school. It was such a sweet moment that I hugged him tight and sent a silent prayer to the Almighty myself.

Well, he still wasn't fit to resume school today and was heartbroken to realize that he would indeed miss the class photograph session. So, I asked for a special permission and took him just for the photo-shoot. He was so happy. Small things bring much joy.

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At three

At three, R

 -is a total chatterbox, rattling off longish sentences which may or may not mean much. It is funny at times to hear him string difficult words together only for the sake of saying something.

- asks a 100 1000 questions every few minutes. Why is so-and-so going there? Whose car is this? Why is it not moving ahead? Why did the signal go red?... and so on...

- has completed a major milestone- of being completely toilet trained. Happy to announce that we have half a packet of pampers lying unused. Once R began school, he was off diapers for the time he spent in school, later I found the courage to let him off even during the evenings at play. I had decided to stick on to the nights since I felt he is too young for the night times and more importantly I was not ready for the mid-nightly trips to the loo. My husband however insisted that we at least try for a couple of days. We anyway had the plastic sheets and if at all any accidents were to happen, it won't be so disastrous, he reasoned. So, we tried for one night. No accidents. R didn't even wake up to go. We were beaming in the morning. The next night, he wet the bed, of course the bed was saved because we used the sheet. After a couple of ups and downs during the week, he managed to stay dry for the whole night. So far. Its been a month now. So, I am officially no longer a patronizer of Pampers. I couldn't be happier. I am OK if the bed wetting returns in phases; the milestone is reached.

-  loves the company of people/friends. Until the age of 2 or so, he wouldn't really be bothered if he had company to play or not. He'd have his own agenda and be happy to go about it alone. However, now he seeks his friends each day and feels sad when his friends do not turn up on certain days :-)

-is picking up bad habits and dropping them at intervals. Each time I think that he's well-behaved, he comes up with a disgusting habit like making spitting-like sounds to actually spitting at times. The good part is that the bad fit subsides relatively fast. Just that, I am kept on tender hooks not knowing when he may don the bad hat. You can be pretty sure, it surfaces when you least expect it and in front of others!

-has not over come his bursts of energy during which he keeps running around, even about the house, climbing over the sofa and other raised platforms. Especially happens when there is more company in the house and he gets over excited with happiness. Although, it can happen even otherwise. I am not sure if he can be termed as hyper active but he is definitely far more active and energetic than many other kids his age.

-is able to hold his own mostly, when provoked or bullied by other kids. To the extent that sometimes he gives it back coupled with interest on the principal :-0

-is still the happy kid who smiles easily and is quite resilient when faced with disappointments. Touchwood to that!

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Cheers!

So, the boys turned a year older,
have they turned a tad wiser?
Of the older one, I can't say
but the younger is definitely naughtier

Birthdays are fun, for young or old

it is all about you and you,
the norm, tad dulled for the dad
by the arrival of the lad

Why's that, you ask?

With the special days falling
back to back,
any wonder then, the glory is
a little skewed to bask?

A party for the little fella
was all fun and gala
The older chap was but
not forgotten
and a special lunch for him
did happen

Wishing the two
fabulous years ahead
replete with fun, health
and wealth
May God keep me too blessed 
to be with the love of my life-
oh, make it two!

P.S. It was the husband's birthday on the 25th and R's birthday on the 26th.

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All about R

It has been so long I haven't updated this space about R. He is growing really fast and we have gotten so used to his non-stop chatter that it does not seem like a recent development at all.

R has a new play now. He arranges all his toys neatly in a long queue or just places them at several interjections to resemble vehicles at a traffic signal.

He loves to observe the working of the ants. Of late there has been a entourage of some big black ants in the house. He lies face down and observes them and can remain quiet for more than 5 minutes thus. The other day I caught him having a small chat with an ant," inge po, veleeya po..door pinnani po" But before I could capture the innocence on a video camera, he caught me with the camera and the moment was all lost :-(

If I ask him to come out of the bathroom after bath, he'd say ," amma, nee po...haallu ku po" !

Every few minutes when he is bored or feels he needs to be given some attention, he'd ask, "amma..nee enna pannrai?"

He is constantly saying something, pointing to some object-could be something in his book or a toy, or humming a rhyme (the rhyme is invariably set to the tune of A B C D...) or a song. Yes, he has taken to singing. Finally, maybe he has inherited some of my genes. Err..although it seems unfair to state that what he hums is quite not flattering to my genes. But it a start, nevertheless right? And, since everyone who sees R, remarks about how he looks likes the husband or how his mannerisms resemble that of the husband, I am holding on closely to whatever traits may have from me.

ETA: just remembered some more R facts :-)

R exercises his independence wherever he is able to ( and also allowed to). He has taken a new fancy to wearing his shorts/trousers by himself when at home. If I happen to help him or do it myself, he would remove it off and wear it again himself, saying "neeye neeye..which means "naane" actually !

Door mats that are inadvertently left creased/folded on one side are neatly straightened and kept at the correct angle :-)

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Happy Birthday to you..

...My dear R,

We are back in Mumbai at your paati's place since your appa had to go to the US for work. Am sure he is missing you as much as you and I are on this special day when you complete 2 years of age. No worries, we shall celebrate again once he is back!

It means another year of motherhood for me, my son. umm..so, how do I sum up my experience so far?
I have come a long way from being the tensed new mother of a newborn who was anxious about every little out-of-the-book symptom you exhibited. I am now a more confident and brave mother of a swift and energetic toddler who does throw in little shocks and surprises every now and then. I am by no means a know-all mother but now that you and I are no longer strangers to one another there is a known and comforting factor each time we deal with a difficult situation.

I still remember the first few months after you were born. I only remember feeding you all day with of course the potty and su-su cleaning in-between. You were always hungry! you would feed for not less than a hour and an hour later, you would be howling for milk again! Since you also almost never slept for more than 15 mins at a stretch during the day, I was a total nervous wreck during those months. I would think of the days ahead and  imagine the worst possible scenarios-that of a possible clingy cry-baby, of not being able to cope with raising a child and managing the house at the same time and of difficult breast-weaning times. But...none of those happened. It was a total turnover at the end of 3 months. At no point did you cry without a solid reason- this is true even now. You weaned yourself on your own without protest in a couple of months of starting the feeding bottle and the transition from the feeding bottle to a sippy-cup was also totally hassle free.

You were very active even as a 5 month baby, when you began to move on your belly frontwards and backwards, scaring me into pushing away any stray furniture into the farthest corners of the house. You could sit on your own only at 9 months while most of your peers did it at 6 months. But I was not worried because you were doing fine on the other aspects of growing up. Thanks to the babycentre weekly updates and articles I understood that there is a huge range even within the normal pattern of growth. You almost never crawled and moved adeptly on your belly till the 10 month after which you accelerated on the physical milestone by beginning to crawl and stand at the same time. You were walking comfortably on your first Birthday! And now, you are an able climber too- climbing your way onto the windows, tiny ledges and raising the bar for yourself each time.

You have grown into a very sweet and easy-going toddler. Well, by saying sweet I am not absolving you of your mischievous, naughty and exasperating ways, antics and tantrums! You are all of this, yet a very affectionate and gentle child who genuinely likes the company of other kids, also willing to share your toys with them. So easy and gentle that sometimes I get worried because you do not react when other kids shove you, hit you or snatch away their toys from your hand. My heart breaks each time you come crying or whine when these things happen. I want to tell you, "hit back!", "snatch the toy back!" but my own nature holds my tongue and mostly I implore you to put your hand up and say "No. No pushing/ hitting or please give back the toy" to the other kid. I want you to learn on your own to defend yourself and also assert your rights instead of smothering you. Of course I'll be there always if things go out of control.Seems like you have saved your aggressive behaviour only for me-your mother. When your demands are not met, you hit, bite and howl at me. Of course, I have nothing of all this and use the carrot and stick method to put you on your track.

I sometimes feel I am raising a nerd because you absolutely love going over and over the ABCs, 123s, rhymes and story-books. It is so much fun and pleasure to hear you recite the rhymes in your "mazhalai" (baby talk). You have begun to string two-three words to form a sentence, repeat all that we say (!!) and talk in rhetorical questions. This is certainly the best phase (and am of course not talking about the beginning of the tantrum phase!:-)) and am glad that I decided to be with you during your growing up years.

May all your dreams come true, R. Wishing you the best-est of the best in this universe. Happy Birthday!!!

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Women power

I am amazed at the number of hits my post on Band Baaja Bride - a show on NDTV Goodtimes gets on any single day. This post is forever on the popular posts chart. The readers mostly stumble upon it via google while searching for information about the show and the way to participate in it. Sorry guys for being misled to my page. I am not even remotely connected to the channel, else would have provided more help.

I am just a regular fan of this channel- NDTV Goodtimes. It is a far cry from the other saas-bahu channels where a single issue is beaten to death by 50 shows with similar takes on the topic. An interesting feature I have noticed about this channel is the number of shows hosted, produced, written and directed by women. Most of the travel shows are some examples of this. I get the euphoric feeling just to see stereotypes broken when I watch cookery shows hosted by enthusiastic men and adventure shows spear headed by a female.


So, three cheers to women power and also to my 50th Post!!!

Image courtesy: google.com

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New updates about R

It is amazing to note how each month unfolds newer aspects in your toddler. What seemed a hurdle last month for the child is now a mere activity. Every aspect of development shows a significant leap in terms of growth.

Recognizes shapes – At 17 months, R can now recognize various shapes. Although he says the relevant word for each one, only the adoring mother can make out what he means. For example:

Tarke -- circle
Pae -- square
Aeta -- rectangle
Tan -- triangle
Heart -- heart
Jing -- ring
Ova -- oval
Koob -- cube
Kone -- cone
Mand -- diamond
Taar -- star

He says moon for crescent since he associates it with the shape of the moon.

Identifies the characters of his favourite books

R can identify almost all the objects in his favourite books. He has these sparkly books that introduces animals found in a jungle, ocean and underwater in the form of a nice story. R loves to browse through these books and exclaim with joy the names of animals as he does so.


Beaky -- name of the bird
Pathy -- panther
Chimp -- chimp
Tath -- sloth
Hisss hisss -- snake
Tee -- tree
Fog -- frog
Ba-bye -- any guess?? It’s a butterfly
Hyna -- hyena
Aino -- rhino
Aff -- giraffe
Peacup -- peacock
Wae -- whale
Toto -- turtle
Tarpich -- starfish
Ow -- Owl
jeeba -- zebra

Counts one to ten and says the alphabets (with a lot of prompting, of course), also recognizes a few numbers and alphabets

Climbs up and down a flight of stairs with help

Buckles the stroller belt on his own

Stacks up to 7 blocks

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What is new with R?

Have I mentioned how much R loves books? We try to equip his mini-library with a variety of books as and when we can. We hardly buy him any toys. Most of the toys he owns are gifts. We, mother and son duo, spend quite some time every day reading his books.

Some conversations between Amma and R

Amma: One,…
R: tu, ti, o, ai, chikch, ett, nine, ten
Amma: A,..
R : Bee, chee, eff, aech, ai,..

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Hubby is teaching R numbers in tamil. So, here is R’s attempt at it:

Onni, enni, muni, nani, aani, ….the rest upto number nine is met with silence. As soon as you say ombodu…

R: pattiii….(with a triumphant look)

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Amma: Plane eppidi pogum? (how does the plane go)
R: da-da-da (he says paeim for plane)
Amma: car eppidi pogum?
R: da-da-da
Amma: Bike/auto (any other vehicle) epidi pogum?
R: da-da-da

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Amma: One, two, buckle my…
R: choo
Amma: Three, four shut the…
R: ore
Amma: five, six, pick up the…
R: chikch
Amma: Seven, eight, lay them…
R: chae
Amma: nine, ten, a big fat…
R: hennn…koyda (claps his hands in glee if I do not do so, self-praise already!)

Btw, koyda is his way of saying kozhi which means hen in tamil

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Reading a book about sea animals

Amma: (pointing to a fish) idu ennadu? (what is this?)
R: pich (with a broad smile for Amma to appreciate and acknowledge)

Amma claps promptly

Amma: (pointing to a star fish) idu?
R: tar pich (applause by amma)
Amma: how many whales?
R: tu, tee..
Amma: how many fish?
R: tu, tee..

Amma claps nevertheless.

Now R is motivated and brings in more books to show off his knowledge to Amma

R points to a crab and says caab

Picks up random books, points to random things

Taamu (it’s a tomato), naano (it’s a rhino), afff ( Giraffe), kaamu (camel), Kaat (cat),

Ba-boo (dog), kai (car), nana (trying to say yaanai/elephant), goat (he means boat too when he sees one, just doesn’t understand the syllable difference),

Tick-taaf (clock-it goes tick-tick, right. Hence the name derivation)

Amma has no other business but to nod in silence and make appropriate appreciative gestures.

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I am yet to find a kid that is not fascinated with the cell-phone or any other electronic gadget. But somehow, the mobile takes the cake. R is no exception when it comes to this little wonder piece. He throws a tantrum to lay his hands on it. We do not usually give in to his tantrums, so it is on very rare occasions that he gets to fool around with our mobile phones. When he does manage to steal it, he holds it near his ear and says:

Aaoo,…Paati, tatha, and then rambles on some gibberish which is generally a string of words he has learnt so far.

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I am trying to put into R some discipline. Ha! What a joke! Toddlers and discipline rarely go together. I know *sigh*. But I can try, right?

He has taken fancy to switching on and off the fan and light switches as well as the T.V and computer. I am not much of a T.V. person but it is really annoying to have a toddler black out the screen with sadistic glee. No amount of cajoling, threat or at time a whack has any sort of effect. Makes you feel non-existent, grrrrrrr. And the comp, well, it just cannot be left unguarded even for a moment. Else, it goes pop! Even the best UPS will not be able to save the system from a constant boot and re-boot.

One thing that makes me beam with pride is when he hands over his milk bottle to me after finishing it off, no matter where I am. He diligently looks for me around the house and hands me over his empty bottle. Hmm, some solace there.

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More wonder and a proud mom

My little wonder can associate things so well at so young an age! He has about 20 words in his vocabulary list which, I learnt, is a little advanced for his age. He really attempts, and manages, to communicate in two-word phrases. When people say, ahem…, he is quite fast for a boy at this age, my heart swells to the size of a football. I know its’ too early to know but R does put two and two together many times to pleasantly surprise me. For example, I do read out a lot of board books-shapes, stories, vegetables, animals and the like. The other day he picked up a toy and said “ova”. Yes, it was an oval-shaped teether. Now, that he points to any other shape and says “ova” is a completely different story :-). But he did get it right the first time. He can “identify” many of the pictures when asked and also flip through the pages “pretending” to read. He can build a three to four block stack.

I generally do a video chat with my mom in the afternoons. Yesterday, as I switched on the p.c. for the session, R said “paat” (for paati-grandma). This was the first time he said the word. He sometimes walks about with his hands tied behind like adults. Now neither I nor my hubby has this habit.

His mischief-making skills are also getting honed by the day. Each day, a new antic. Since he is adept at climbing now, he tries his to apply his skill to every furniture above ground level. His new game is climbing onto our double-bed cot, head towards the switchboard and play around with the switches. He is constantly on his toes-I mean literally. Every item within (or without) his reach needs to be pushed to the farthest corner on the kitchen platform, utility racks, tables, etc. The house has been cleared of all the decorative pots ever since he began to move and has been rearranged multiple times since then in accordance with his mobility advancement. Speaking of activities, one thing he never tires of is opening the kitchen drawers and littering the entire house with spoons, vessels, mixer fittings, ya..you get it.

His peers are not quite doing the stuff he is doing. Again, I must add a disclaimer that I haven’t really met many kids (boys) around his age. I am just going by the comments I get and my general observation. I am not sure if my boy is showing some signs of being out of the ordinary and I cannot care less if he is just like any other child. I say this because, firstly, I know the pressure a child faces today to steer ahead of others in the rat race, to which I do not wish to accentuate. Secondly, such skills do average out as the kids grow older. So in a way, these early flashes of brilliance may mean nothing down the road. I only want him to have a normal and happy childhood. But that does not stop me from being a proud mom for now.

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More about R..

R turns 15 months old next week. I have tried to enlist all the skills he has mastered and the ones he has newly acquired.

1. Walk and run almost to a perfection. The occasional stumbles are there alright but he does not make a show of it. That’s my brave son for you.

2. Speak a few words. His vocabulary list goes thus:
• amma, apppa (a little stress on the “p”). He mostly says it to the appropriate person but at times, gets it mixed up..:-)
• ca (for car or anything that goes on wheels)
• ba (for ball),
• bowwow (for anything that goes on four legs),
• bye, hi,
• bike (though it sounds like bye)
• jhua (for jhula, the baby swing that adorns our living room),
• Kozhi (hen in tamil) of course he cannot pronounce the “zh” part just yet. So it’s just koii or mostly koya for now. Somehow he insists on saying koya. Well’s that the beauty of toddler language, isn’t it?
• Auto (R loves saying aaa..to)
• Aachu (“over” in tamil) and but of course
• Mammu (the universal baby talk for food)

3. Point out to the parts of the body. (Ears, nose, toes, tummy, head and mouth). Somehow I cannot make him point to where his eyes are. He cannot or does not want to.

4. Blow a flying kiss, shake hands and give a high-five, clap hands (these he could do even as a 10 month old; blowing flying kiss is the recent addition).

5. Kick the ball like a football.

R seems to understand more than that is apparent. He would give a well-meaning smile when we are discussing him between us (hubby and I). He gives me a naughty smile when he does something he knows I do not approve of. He loves books. We have got him a few hard-bound educational books and he never tires of asking us to read it out to him. Hmm…we do get tired at times. But since it is a good practice that I hope is sustained even as he grows older, I keep at it. The other thing he is fascinated, no obsessed, about is cars. Any faint noise that comes close to that of a vehicle passing by below (horn, reverse horn all alike) gets an enthusiastic “caaaaa” from R. Ditto when the “Tata Aria” car advertisement is aired; even if he is not in front of the T.V. (he knows it from the background score). He loves the BBC world background music. Even the most engrossing task (read mischief) comes to a halt when he hears this music piece.

The other day, he pleasantly surprised me by bowing down to a Saibaba photo-frame that is not kept in the usual “pooja ghar”. Also, when I once did not approve of something he did and gave him a long stare, he smiled indulgently, shook his fingers and said “no-no”.

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