Showing posts with label sibling bonding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sibling bonding. Show all posts

When cousins count as siblings


It's rare to have cousins in the same age bracket as you are. Hence, when you do get lucky to have them so, cherish them with all your heart. This, I learned as I grew up with a stream of cousins. The sister and I gravitated, as a natural recourse, to the ones who were closer to our ages. Till date, my fond memories of my childhood are of those unlimited chatter sessions about sundry things that appealed to us at different ages and stages, of the to-and-fro camping in each other's houses during holidays, and of the excitement and anticipation of meetings after a period of lull. Indeed, cousins are truly a treasured species of human relationships.

Ever wondered why cousins fare better than your immediate sibling?

You get the best of both the worlds with cousins. When you're together, there's fun guaranteed. And, when you tire of each other, you can go back to your own houses! You're willing to share and quell the feelings of envy or anger because somewhere you know that these emotions are transient; lasting for only as long as the meet itself. The compromises and adjustments are not permanent; you can have your favourite toy or dress back the minute the cousin(s) leave. There's never the "you always favour him/her" thrown at your own parent. You can simply walk up to the other parent, the aunt or the uncle, and viola, the verdict will most certainly be drawn in your favour! You even get pampered by the cousins' parents. The sibling rivalry gets a breather till you meet next time, so you willingly extend the otherwise rare courtesy and don't mind donning the mantle of magnanimity.

When I see R and S together, it fills me with joy and satisfaction that they would know what it is to grow up with siblings even if they don't have each other's company every waking minute. Fights are rare and few between them. It's another thing that they complement each other very well and can almost read each other's minds when it comes to most things. S, for me, is like a daughter from another mother's womb. And, so is R for my sister. It feels great to have the kids grow up together even if we cannot always stay close by.

I guess it works for the parents too to have cousins as playmates for their kids. They're connected by blood yet not entirely your responsibility too. If a few caveats are met, then quite a win-win, I'd say.

The siblings

R and S, as I've mentioned earlier too, are a deadly combination. In some ways, they are quite alike and in other ways completely different. Both of them have mastered the part about keeping the adults in the house on their toes and tender hooks. Each has its own way of creating trouble and mischief. So, you can imagine how explosive the situation can get when two such minds combine!

Last year R lacked the social-cognitive skill to play along with S. Although he'd want S's company, he was unable to express himself or understand the concept of collective play. However, that is changed this year and it is amusing to see the two converse and pretend play. Of course, he is still a little too boisterous for S and this leads to many a ugly fight and frantic adult intervention.

I see that R gets a kick out of teasing his elder cousin! The more S gets whiny, the more he acts bossy and plays rough! It is a very crazy situation and it takes a lot of restraint and effort on my part to diffuse the tension. On the other side, he is also quite possessive of S and doesn't quite like it when he has to share S with another kid. This side to R was a new discovery for me and I realized it yesterday when S had her birthday celebrations at home. It was a small affair with just a couple of S's friends, also her neighbours, had come over.

The moment S's friend, lets call her X,came in and S showed a preference to play with her, R began to act all crazy. He was extra rough with X by falling all over her, pulling at her dress and generally making quite a nuisance of himself. X is made of tougher material herself and was hardly perturbed but S was quite upset with the whole change in the scenario. Things got out of control after a while and I had to intervene and pull R out of the scene. It disturbed me also to see R behaving in such a manner. Later, it was my bro-in-law who sensed that it is was perhaps the jealous streak that led R to behave such.

Sibling bonding can surely be awe inspiring and nerve racking at the same time!