Being sensitive towards others #1000speak

Social media can be a sticky ground when voicing opinions. Chances of getting bullied and judged by unknown people are tremendous. Harmless comments can get blown out of proportion too. People with or without any agenda target others. Likewise, messages not meant to target anyone are also bashed as being offensive. People love hopping into bandwagons on social media to feel accepted and be a part of the crowd. 

We are all sensitive people, but only when it comes to our feelings. We do not think twice before judging another and saying a nasty word, even to someone who could be a total stranger. Why is it difficult to restrain our thoughts and views? Must we always voice our views, that too in a harsh manner? 

In all the drama that we create daily, either online or offline, we seem to lose focus on the one thing that is very vital to a happy existence: Live and let live. Compassion comes naturally to a human being. You may or may not choose to respond to the call of compassion, but you cannot deny the feeling. Why is it then we become judgmental and put a person down? If you don't have a kind word, choose to remain silent rather than speaking a harsh word.

I'm not saying the entire world is bad. We have innumerable acts of compassion all around us, but these get drowned in the negativity that somehow gets an unfair spotlight. We still have one neighbour who'll babysit our toddler while we attend to a family exigency, we still have one friend who'll hear you out patiently while you rattle out your fears for the umpteenth time, we still come across honest auto drivers (yes, they exist!), we still hear how about a lost wallet was returned to the owner through incredible ways over the internet. So, then, shouldn't we be propagating more kindness and compassion rather than fanning anger, hatred and misery?  

I've, in fact, come across some lovely bunch of people, online and offline, who lend a ready shoulder to lean on, a willing ear to listen and support without being judgmental. Sharing your innermost fears and insecurities becomes so much easier when you know that you won't be judged for how you think and behave. It doesn't cost a thing to nod your head and smile empathically at the one who's brave enough to bare her soul to you. Is it too difficult to say, "I understand. All will be ok"? 

Can we be more compassionate towards fellow beings? You might not know, but perhaps the other person's life could even depend on how you respond. 

This post is written as a part of 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion, where bloggers all over the world are talking about spreading compassion, love and kindness.

If you have a story to share, do link up at – IndiaAmericanMom

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I'm the rock

The waves reach a crescendo
the water tickles my feet
spent...

I want to jump high
the weight pulls me down
Sigh!

My friends are seasons
we laugh, we play
then they've to go
leaving me
Alone...

I want to see the world
the sea and the sky
are not enough
I feel
tied down

I then see the sand
hugging me
I feel warm

A weary traveller
rests his head
over me
I feel calm

I sense a purpose
in giving
of being an anchor

I know now
why I'm a constant
why I'm the rock!

Shutterstock.com

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Get married again!

Among all my posts, the most viewed and read would be the one on Band Baaja Bride, a reality show on NDTV Goodtimes. The show gives to-be-wed-couples a chance to have a dream wedding: right from getting personal care to having a designer bridal jewelry and attire. The show has completed five seasons since then and has improvised quite a bit with their format whilst keeping the original theme constant.

I've moved away from the idiot box for a long time now, thereby do not patronize any particular show but the shows on Goodtimes still compel me for a brief stopover on the rare occasion when I take a trip with the TV remote. This afternoon was one such time when I watched this show as they aired their closing episode of season 5. What was unique about the episode was that the couple to wed on screen were already married for a decade and wanted to celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary by renewing their vows, in their own words, to recreate the magic that seemed to have gone missing in the humdrum of routine life.

The idea in itself is not new as per Hindu tradition. There is a ceremony, called Shashtiabdapoorti, wherein a married couple renews their wedding vows as the husband turns sixty years of age. However, the point is, why wait until the man turns sixty? And, let's not get into the battle of 'why not when the wife turns sixty'? The crux is to take the essence of bringing back the spark in the couple's relationship.

Life is getting busier, faster, more stressful and the odds of the couple drifting apart much before that is a scary reality. Think about it, once the wedding euphoria slides off, the couple is faced with the daily pressure of balancing work and life like the hands on the clock; they meet very briefly during the every-day marathon. A few years into the marriage,  kids and a couple of EMIs thrown in, all the intimacy, romance and togetherness goes flying out of the window.

Isn't it then a great idea to review and take stock of the relationship every now and then? It doesn't have to be as dramatic as to appear on a tele-show or even anything grand. Simply, take a vacation to a place you've never been before. Do something you've never done together before, like say, scuba-diving or even a salsa class. Challenge your limits and break open that shell all over again. Re-discover that magic. And, it isn't a bad idea to get married all over again to mark a special anniversary.

Seriously, very few couples have their  actual wedding completely under their control and live up to it every moment. You can seize the opportunity to re-chart your wedding day that way you had imagined, buy new jewelry and clothes, look relaxed, have the natural glow on your face without the first-time anxiousness and revel in the comfort factor shared with the spouse in the true sense.

So, are you game to renew your vows?

http://bit.ly/1AqTeIE

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A letter to all the to-be-brides

To all the to-be-brides,

Marriage is considered as one of the biggest milestones in a person's life in our country, especially in the life of a woman. The idea of having a fairy-tale wedding at a dream venue, with the most flattering jewelry and gorgeous finery has been exploited to death by most film and Ad-makers, not to mention the subtle and not-so subtle diet of a beautiful princess marrying the handsome prince most of us are fed upon since childhood.

All this naturally puts in a certain amount of expectation-depending on our personality-we have from our wedding day. We certainly want to look and feel our best and cannot imagine a bad hair day or bad-skin day. That would be nothing less than a catastrophe. I thought so too. But, let me share with you my story.

I had about 6 months of time between my engagement and wedding and, but of course, I started on a disciplined regime of looking after my skin. Well-meaning advice and tips began to pour in and I carefully sifted through it all and followed a routine that seemed right. I never had a great skin so to speak. I had suffered and recovered from acne bouts, pigmentation and skin allergies a couple of years ago and hence was all the more determined to keep all of this at bay. Yet, despite my best intentions, much to my horror, I had the worst kind of acne break-out just a month before my wedding.

I rushed to my dermatologist even as I knew that any kind of medication (internal or external) will take at least 3-6 months to show any visible effect. I was aghast and heart-broken, to the extent that I had an episode of black-out due to sheer exhaustion and stress! I hated to look at myself in the mirror. I'd pour my heart out to my then fiance (we stayed in different cities) and fearfully prepared him for the 'disaster' he was about to meet on our wedding day. He never understood the fuss and kept assuring and re-assuring me that he won't be disappointed or shocked to see me, and how I looked on our wedding day really did not matter to him. Of course, I couldn't be convinced and assumed that he was saying these things only to mollify me.

I prayed for miracles and applied all sorts of application that promised an acne-free skin within a week and such-like. Of course, no miracles happened. The medication I was on worked slowly and it didn't really make much of a difference outwardly. I put up with all the stares and sympathetic questions and advises from people around. But, my family and the one person who was to matter to me the most in my next phase of life, stood rock solid behind me. I'll never forget one thing that my sister told me, "Wedding is just a day's affair. Marriage and it's dynamics begin only after that. Do not stress so much on that one day that you miss the fragrance of the days that are to follow."

I guess the look says it all!

Indeed, I found a great friend in my husband who supported and loved me unconditionally ( and continues to do so) from day one, pimples and all. I learned that it did not matter how you meet your spouse, how you get married, how you looked on your wedding day, how many compliments you got, or how happy the guests were. The real test is how both the spouses handle their share of joys and sorrows, how they approach their differences and how much of inner cleansing they undertake to make their bonding free from ugly marks of distrust and misunderstandings.

So, my dear brides-to-be, take care of your looks but do not become obsessed with polishing the outer self so much that you fail to prepare your mind and soul for an enriching journey.

Take care, because you are worth it!

This post is a part of #GarnierPureActive activity at Indiblogger. 

and because this post also defines a woman for who she is from within and not on the basis of how she looks, I also link it to the #UseYourAnd activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette Venus.

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Being online yet not out of line

It's a long accepted fact that most of our communication today happens over Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and the likes. The difference between a reply and a response is becoming blurry. Emoticons have replaced lengthy explanations; not to mention made it easier to convey a confused look or ecstasy over something. Whether you're feeling blue or euphoric, whether you want to cringe or ROFL at something, just click the right icon and you are sorted.

http://bit.ly/1Bz9kgz

But, not all is hunky-dory with the instant messaging world. If we aren't careful, we could fall prey to quick-sand of narcissism and impatience that throngs this world.

Haven't we all experienced the restlessness after we post something on whatsapp or FB? We wait with bated breath for that first 'like' or 'comment'. Much like the girl in this Tata Docomo Ad. The messenger Aps have made it worse by adding features that lets the person posting or sending the message know whether the message has been read by the intended person! So, depending upon which side of the message you are, you are either catching your breath waiting for that someone to respond or fuming that despite the double ticks in blue or 'Seen by', the person has the audacity to not reply!

The itch to respond immediately is quite real too. Over-analyzing thoughts crowd our head and we worry that we'd appear rude if we do not hit the 'like' button or comment on a fellow-comrade's post despite leaving our footprints of online presence elsewhere at that hour!

And, then there are the perils of over-communication (if there is something like that) and misunderstandings. A simple comment is torn to shreds by trying to understand the emotions and intentions behind it. Punctuation, pauses, smileys all play a crucial role here. A colon instead of a semi-colon can cause two friends to war. Could a one-liner reply to a lengthy discussion mean that the other person took offence? Is then an apology due? Oh, the confusions!

Fragile relationships do not stand a chance since you are always comparing how friend A reads and 'likes' every post by acquaintance B but ignores you (her bestie?!). Isn't it better to pick that phone and call the person to have a heart-to-heart chat instead of agonizing and staring silly at your computer screen?!

The truth is there is life beyond Facebook and Whatsapp and not everyone thinks about you all day like you do. They have themselves to think about, right? So, lets move on and not base our judgement about people in our lives upon how they behave in social media. Remember, there's always a side that is never revealed out there.

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R-tistic expressions

R is creative in many ways. He can spend hours doodling, drawing cars, whales, planets and rockets and colouring them. The figures may not exactly resemble what he says they represent yet the detailing is unmistakable and also laudable for his age. When he was around 3-4 years of age, he hardly exhibited any interest in drawing or colouring. In fact he began to recognize solid colours only by 3 years of age by which time I started to have serious doubts of whether he was colour blind! Then and now; what a change of nature! He loves to colour now and if I were not exasperated to find tiny bits of crayons tucked into cushion crevices, strewn bits of paper cut into various shapes and duly painted and streaks of various hues on my bedspread, I'd have my camera perpetually hung around my neck to capture the creations!

The guy is also not a stickler for conventions. A whale is anything but blue in his book. No creation ever is painted in one single hue. And, that makes it quite attractive. At least to the parents' eyes :-)

Speaking of conventions, it amuses me to observe how freely he works and thinks. I guess most kids are before they get leashed into the set conventions and moulds. Sigh! But, I digress. My mother gifted him a Casio this time that also came with a very cute microphone. I caught R one day, singing (rather screaming some notes) into the microphone and playing random notes simultaneously, a la professional composer on stage. Not sure if he was emulating something he saw on the TV because he is hardly exposed to such stuff on the television.

R loves to make up his own stories and rhymes that are set to tune to the standard ones. It may seem completely nonsensical if you choose to search for logic but it is definitely inspiring to note how he puts together the day's happenings or something he fancies as lyrics into the meter and make it seem like a rhyme or for that matter a story. It's too early to say if there's a hidden talent in there but I am chuffed with the fact that he's inclined towards creating something of his own. I hope I, as a parent, am able to fan this creative streak or at the least don't do anything stupid to thwart it.

Finally, this happened yesterday and I was touched and proud at the same time. R was running low-grade fever over the weekend and he was worried that he'd miss school today as there was a class photo scheduled. I told him that if he remained fever-free for the night, I'd send him to school. His face fell and cried out, "but I don't want fever!". My heart melted, "Of course, even I don't want you to get fever but we can't help certain things although we can hope and pray" said I. After a while, as I went about my work I found him with a small paper filled with stars drawn by him and he placed it reverentially at the feet of my Pooja Ghar, joined his hands and prayed that God keep the fever away so that he could go to school. It was such a sweet moment that I hugged him tight and sent a silent prayer to the Almighty myself.

Well, he still wasn't fit to resume school today and was heartbroken to realize that he would indeed miss the class photograph session. So, I asked for a special permission and took him just for the photo-shoot. He was so happy. Small things bring much joy.

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Beginning on a high

Ringing in the new year the way I do for the past four or five years holds a special place in my heart. I've had my share of the routine New Year bashes with close friends and/or in the company of some hundred strangers, shaking to silly music played out by a screaming DJ, and the works. Nothing against this, but like they say once you taste nectar, sugar loses its sweetness appeal. So it has been with me. If you'd have noticed, I take a vacation to my parents' during Christmas every year. It's not just a vacation but an opportunity that I design myself each year to spend the New Year’s Eve and ring in the first day of the New Year with some divinity for company.

While I'm not a ritualistic/religious person in the true sense, I do believe in the power of a force above us that guides us when we choose to seek its light and grace. I also shy away from discussing my relationship with the supreme or God, as we may choose to address, either on my blog or with a group, not because I'm ashamed or unsure but because it's a personal experience and I do not wish to lay it under the scrutiny of others. Yet, today, I'm here to share my experiences with a certain manifestation of the divine. I call it divine because there is no other word that seems to define it completely.

To begin with, I'm not much of a temple-goer. In fact the presence of humongous crowds at certain temples, the business-like attitude of the so-called priests and the over-all commercial modus-operandi puts me off since the essence of experiencing the positive vibrations that should reverberate in a temple is lost totally and I end up feeling relieved rather than re-energized after such visits. Yet, when I'm at my parents', I end up visiting this particular temple almost every day, that too voluntarily. This shrine of Goddess Lakshmi and Lord Narayan somehow beckons me, and like me many others, to them. The peace and positive energy that I feel in their presence cannot be explained in words.

New Year’s Eve and the first day of every year are celebrated as the Kalyana Utsavam of the Lord and the Goddess. The utsava moortis are posed as the bride and groom and a real wedding is performed by devotees who play the roles of the Lord and the Goddess's parents, aunts and uncles. Two years back, the husband and I had been blessed to play the roles of athai and athimber to Lord Narayanar. It is a treat to the eyes and ears, to soak in the beautiful decoration and hear the divine music. I love being a part of the celebrations as I also get to sing songs in praise of the Lord. When I see so many devotees working selflessly to make this event happen and help the many social causes through the fund collection, it gives me great satisfaction to be even just a small part of it. When you experience such a spiritual high at the beginning of every year, what’s the need for other intoxication to feel good?

There's a special person here, lovingly addressed as Amma by all, because of whom the temple came into being. Blessed with the Devi's grace, she dresses up the Lord and Goddess in their rich finery and does the floral decorations at the temple. The beauty of it all is to behold. Many of us are skeptics, rational thinking people, and want to do nothing with anybody who says that he or she is closely associated with God. Naturally so, because we have blind rituals being followed, and numerous, wide-spread instances of Godmen duping people of their faith and wealth. However, I say from personal experience that Amma's spiritual and divine aura that comes from her pure devotion to the presiding deities, also manifested in her melodious compositions or bhajans, have the musical and spiritual power to transport any skeptic to experience divine bliss. These bhajans have been hitherto sung at devotees' houses and during auspicious occasions by Amma herself. It was perhaps the Devi's supreme will that these be known to the world when the auditions for Bhajan Samraat season 3 by Sri Sankara TV began in July 2014.

A team of six privileged singers and students of guru Amma under the name of Om Amma Bhajan Mandali, led by my own sister Chitra Krishnan, took part in the auditions and further rounds and emerged as the winners of the title. It was not easy 6 month journey at all, going through 13 rigorous and complex rounds in the preliminary, quarter and semi-final rounds. Yet I'm sure the experience is one that would be cherished by the entire team for years to come. I had been regularly posting the Youtube links of the team's performance on my FB page. If you wish to hear them, you can find them all under a single roof here. 

The competition was predominantly a sampradaya one wherein the participants were required to sing only the traditional or sampradaya bhajans. Though an entirely new domain for Amma and the team, Amma with her sincerity, talent dedication and devotion trained the team and they emerged successfully at every stage. Their final performance was especially lauded by the judges and the viewers alike for the melody, devotion and divinity that dripped from each note sung. I consider myself privileged to having witnessed the event live at the CODISSIA trade fair auditiorium, Coimbatore on 21st Dec 2014. This date would be etched in our memories for more reasons than one. It's not every day that you get to see your loved one holding the winner's trophy at the National level. Does it require a special mention here to say what a proud sister I'm? :-) I wish the team more and more success. 

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