He clamped a sweaty palm over his sister's quivering lips. The yellow light flickered perilously as the coin dragged her finger over letters, one after another. The candle collapsed into a blob of melted wax as a voice sniggered, "Welcome."
I loved the imagery of the candle collapsing under the weight of hot was. I got a bit turned around here: perilously as the coin dragged her finger over letters, one after another <-- it reads as if an actual coin has fingers.
I liked this take on the prompt. I don't know why, but the word "blob" redirected the feeling of this from sinister to not-so-sinister, somehow? I liked it still, though. :)
Very great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing on your feed and I am hoping you write again very soon!
Very great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing on your feed and I am hoping you write again very soon!
Chilling. I hope the duo made it out alive and didn't collapse like the melted candle.
ReplyDeleteWell, I hope too! :)
DeleteI loved the imagery of the candle collapsing under the weight of hot was. I got a bit turned around here: perilously as the coin dragged her finger over letters, one after another <-- it reads as if an actual coin has fingers.
ReplyDeleteI meant for the coin to have the power to move the finger, but I totally get your point. Thanks for pointing it out.
DeleteThanks for reading and commenting :)
DeleteThe image with the coin confused me, too. Thanks for clarifying.
DeleteOh! How exciting. You've set the mood beautifully by using siblings as your characters, and the tight pacing kept the tension throughout.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Asha. Glad to see your comment :)
DeleteHi Uma! I have just discovered your blog. And I am already enjoying these posts. Thank you! :)
ReplyDeleteHey Deepika, welcome! Always glad to have a reader. Thanks for the warm words and hope to see you around :)
DeleteAlways look forward to reading about sibling adventures!
ReplyDeleteI like sibling adventures too. Thank you, Anusha for reading :)
DeleteI liked this take on the prompt. I don't know why, but the word "blob" redirected the feeling of this from sinister to not-so-sinister, somehow? I liked it still, though. :)
ReplyDeleteAh, you think 'blob' sort of gave it a humorous touch? Thank you, Lisa, for reading :)
DeleteHow delightfully dark this is. I think having siblings helped tell this story so well.
ReplyDeleteYou think so? Thank you! :)
DeleteOoooo, that was so delightfully creepy!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Robin :)
DeleteVery great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing on your feed and I am hoping you write again very soon!
ReplyDeleteVery great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing on your feed and I am hoping you write again very soon!
ReplyDeleteReally nice post admin, you are doing a great job.
ReplyDeleteI am extraordinarily affected beside your writing talents, Thanks for this nice share.
ReplyDelete