My son turned one recently. My friends whose first-borns are around my son’s age are already thinking of or are considering having a second. I feel I am done.
My close friend was aghast when I revealed to her my feelings. She felt I am being mean to my first child by depriving him of a sibling.
I can’t help it if I cannot feel the need or urge to have a second kid. Is it really being mean? I am not sure. We are planning to buy a house. I am a stay-at-home mother hence just one income flowing into the household. A decent schooling these days burns a hole in your pocket. Now, I am not exactly saying that having a second kid will reduce us to a hand-to-mouth existence. But it will definitely put a strain on our resources. Above all this, I cannot quite bring myself to go through the whole process of being pregnant, the delivery, breast-feeding, sleepless nights, potty-training once again. Sleepless nights are not even over yet with the first and I have not even begun potty-training.
Yes, maybe I am being mean. I probably don’t have a strong maternal hormone in me. But this does not make me a bad mother. I love my son truly. He is a friendly and easy kid as of now, though quite hyper-active. He keeps me busy all day. I genuinely enjoy being with him and want to give my all to see him grow into a mature, responsible and sensitive adult.
Who says single kids grow into selfish adults? I can give examples of some selfish adults who didn’t have a dearth of siblings. Who says only kids with siblings learn to share? Those days mingling with other families who have kids were very rare. These days, thanks to a nuclear set-up, every other weekend is spent with friends. Who says only-kids become alone when the parents are gone? I think nowadays kids are naturally quite independent and the parents are gone mentally even before age takes them away physically once the kids reach the teens or pre-teens. I am already considering enrolling myself in an old-age home when the time comes as I do not want to be a burden- emotionally and financially-on my child and do not want him to have feelings of guilt and helplessness.
Maybe I have an answer to everything. Maybe I have searched within for answers or maybe they are excuses. Maybe I might change my mind altogether and go for a second one. But it will not be for the above reasons. The second will not be a missing piece of a jig-saw, just to fill up something. It has to be as desirable as the first. Only then. Till then, one and only.
I miss...
I miss…
I miss my life before I was a mom.
I miss sleeping late into the mornings without a baby demanding to be held and fed
I miss the conversations with my hubby and the comfortable silences between us. The silence now is deafening and surely doesn’t speak of comfort either.
I miss going out without the diaper bags and packed snack items.
I miss the luxury of window shopping and shopping without a list.
I miss going out for movies.
Life after a baby is one that does not have a space for “you”
You are a mom and will remain so for the rest of your life.
No doubt my baby brings light into my eyes each time I smile.
I smile every time my baby smiles. I am hurt when he is hurt.
I cherish his naughty ways and never wish he were any different.
My heart melts when he hugs me,unconditionally, full of trust.
I would not trade this for anything else.
Yet, I miss…
I miss my life before I was a mom.
I miss sleeping late into the mornings without a baby demanding to be held and fed
I miss the conversations with my hubby and the comfortable silences between us. The silence now is deafening and surely doesn’t speak of comfort either.
I miss going out without the diaper bags and packed snack items.
I miss the luxury of window shopping and shopping without a list.
I miss going out for movies.
Life after a baby is one that does not have a space for “you”
You are a mom and will remain so for the rest of your life.
No doubt my baby brings light into my eyes each time I smile.
I smile every time my baby smiles. I am hurt when he is hurt.
I cherish his naughty ways and never wish he were any different.
My heart melts when he hugs me,unconditionally, full of trust.
I would not trade this for anything else.
Yet, I miss…
My first blog
I had always been fascinated with the idea of writing. Since nowadays writing on a blog has become second in nature to almost every net savvy person, I decided to jump into the bandwagon and try my hand at it.
Someone had told me some years ago that I may possess some flair for writing as my hand showed artistic nature. Although I had, at that time, laughed dismissively at the prospect, the idea had somehow remained in my mind. I began to have notions of discovering a latent author in me. Having said this, I have no clue what I am going to be blogging or writing about. My notions are also crumbling down in face of Reality. Before I altogether rubbish this whole idea and settle down humbly into my modest routine, I decided to limit this to just penning my thoughts on this page whenever time permits.
I am a SAHM (stay-at-home-mother for the uninitiated). Wow, what words people coin these days. Sounds so glamorous. Quite the contrary when the list of endless tasks is laid out. I am not exactly complaining but when you are a 24/7 mother to a toddler who is a big bundle of undying energy it’s only natural to feel worn down, and even frustrated at some points of time. Even as I write this, pangs of guilt build up within me because for a major part I truly enjoy my son’s company. It is a pleasure to be with him and see him grow. I had always wanted to care for my child personally and not leave him or her in a day-care or with a nanny. What is the point in bearing a child with so much trouble and not reap the fruits of seeing the child grow-up! Of course these are my thoughts and a whole lot of working mothers may resent me for saying this. I don’t blame them and do not consider them any less as mothers. It’s just that I have been fortunate to be able to carry out my belief in reality. It has not been without some compromises and sacrifices. But as they say, no pain no gain…
Someone had told me some years ago that I may possess some flair for writing as my hand showed artistic nature. Although I had, at that time, laughed dismissively at the prospect, the idea had somehow remained in my mind. I began to have notions of discovering a latent author in me. Having said this, I have no clue what I am going to be blogging or writing about. My notions are also crumbling down in face of Reality. Before I altogether rubbish this whole idea and settle down humbly into my modest routine, I decided to limit this to just penning my thoughts on this page whenever time permits.
I am a SAHM (stay-at-home-mother for the uninitiated). Wow, what words people coin these days. Sounds so glamorous. Quite the contrary when the list of endless tasks is laid out. I am not exactly complaining but when you are a 24/7 mother to a toddler who is a big bundle of undying energy it’s only natural to feel worn down, and even frustrated at some points of time. Even as I write this, pangs of guilt build up within me because for a major part I truly enjoy my son’s company. It is a pleasure to be with him and see him grow. I had always wanted to care for my child personally and not leave him or her in a day-care or with a nanny. What is the point in bearing a child with so much trouble and not reap the fruits of seeing the child grow-up! Of course these are my thoughts and a whole lot of working mothers may resent me for saying this. I don’t blame them and do not consider them any less as mothers. It’s just that I have been fortunate to be able to carry out my belief in reality. It has not been without some compromises and sacrifices. But as they say, no pain no gain…